July 29

Where to begin....

Monday night I got pumpkin pie hahaha, it was awesome! Homemade and everything.

Tuesday morning for studies I read through "Missionary Work and the Atonement". One of the best talks ever. I'm so grateful we got to watch the video of it in mission prep. Anyways, out here I've realized that Satan has made people think that salvation is easy; all it takes is pronouncing faith in Jesus Christ. So then when we come along and tell them they actually have to do stuff, they think that strict and whatever and claims it's just religion. Incredibly frustrating. I just love this talk because Elder Holland clearly states that we have to work for it. That's why missionary work is hard. I'd recommend for everyone to read it....especially JEN SCOTT!!!!!!!!!!

On Wednesday for part of companionship study we went to the library so Sis Jones could watch some videos on family history. For part of the time I watched some of the clips from the missionary broadcast last month. I was reminded of how excited I was to serve. When the times are tough I try and remember that times when I was excited. Like the day I decided to start my papers, when I got my call, flying out here to Indiana, etc. Watching those videos certainly helped.

Ok, Wednesday night I met my first drunk haha. I'm surprised it took this long actually. So we were tracting in a nicer part of town, everyone we had talked to was Lutheran. Did I ever mention that EVERYONE in this town is Lutheran or Catholic??? It's true. Anyways, so I was expecting a similar response at this door. Boy was I wrong. This man opens the door and we ask him how is evening is. His response? "Fine, except I'm trying to get drunk and people like you keep interrupting me". haha He went on to tell us how he still believes in God even though all he does is get drunk. The smell was terrible, first time I've ever smelt it that strong. I thought we was going to fall off his porch. When we finally got the conversation to end, I just stood laughing in his driveway. I feel bad thought, poor guy.

Thursday was pretty bad. I woke up fine; our run was great that morning. But my studies weren't effective at all. I was mad during companionship study. It was awful. We went out and worked for a few hours that morning. We met a potential, hopefully. He's probably in his 20s, going back to school and stuff. We're going to try seeing him later this week. I got a nasty headache. We went in for lunch and then did weekly planning. That night we were supposed to have a lesson with Sister Magellon and then Shannon and Courtney. During dinner Sister Magellon texted us and said she couldn't meet with us. So we walked across town to see another potential, then Shannon texted us and cancelled. I literally almost started crying in the middle of the street. It was quite pathetic looking back on it, but I was so frustrated and depressed at the time. We texted Sister Magellon to see if we could go a little later, so we still ended up seeing her that night. I was also pretty down on Friday, but I got through it.

Saturday morning was incredibly difficult. Once again we went to the library so Sister Jones could finish her family history stuff. I watched a couple of mormon messages while she was doing that. One reason why I want an ipad....so I can watch those during breaks. They helped me out a little bit. We then went tracting again....everyone was Lutheran. I was depressed again. I felt like I was lying through my teeth as I was talking to people. Saturday afternoon I ended up calling President Cleveland again. We talked for a while. I'm so glad he's patient with me. He's used to dealing with a bunch of rowdy college boys and now he's having to listen to crying sisters haha. He gave me some things I need to work on. We have interviews tomorrow and he's going to spend some extra time talking to Sister Jones and I. He understands that I don't feel capable of training because I feel under-trained myself. He told me he wouldn't put me in another leadership position next transfer (thank goodness!). We talked about how my feelings of depression probably come from lack of self confidence. I've realized that I just lose sight of my purpose everyday. Last night I was studying about accountability. I was thinking back to when I was in school. I never had an issue doing homework, I was always motivated to do it. I wanted to know things and get the good grades. At work I was motivated to work hard because I knew I was getting paid to do it. Out here? I've lost all motivation. I think it's because there are no clear cut instructions of what I'm supposed to be doing. My assignment never ends. Missionary work is completely different from any other type of work I have ever done. It's kind of hard to explain exactly what is going through my head. Anyways, after talking to President we went and tracted for a little bit. I almost started crying on a couple of doors steps. I would have been so embarrassed if I had. People definitely wouldn't join the church if they saw the missionary just burst into tears haha. That night we went and saw a member who is staying in a nursing home for this week. She's actually in the ward in Columbus but the Relief Society President asked if we would go see her. She was quite the talker. We went down to their little activity room or whatever. She asked us if either one of us played the piano. I told her I did. So before we left she told me I had to play something. Unfortunately I have nothing memorized. But I played what I can remember of "Jessica's Theme". It's super weird, but my hands just love the feeling of playing. It just feels so natural to me. Nothing else about missionary work feels natural to me, so when I play I feel like myself again. It's the greatest feeling in the world.

Sunday afternoon we went to see some potentials and tracting. At one point we were walking through this park and crossed paths with this lady and her son. So lately I've people really bad about talking with everyone. It's a principle that is so important in missionary work because we don't know at first glance who is being prepared to receive the gospel. Anyways, I thought about just saying hi and moving on. But I just started talking to her and introduced ourselves. We gave her the 10 minute version of the Restoration while we walked with her back to her house. We have a return appointment with her on Thursday. She was acting pretty excited as we were telling her about prophets and the Book of Mormon. It was actually pretty funny, we asked her if we could call her on Wednesday to confirm the appointment. Then she started telling us how she has Sprint and the calls always drop. Our response? "We have Sprint too! We totally understand, our calls drop like nobodies business". We may or may not have spent five minutes talking about how terrible Sprint service is....glad someone understands. We had dinner with the Lykins last night, the fifth Sunday in about six weeks haha. No hot dogs this time! Noah and Grace were super wild, the parents blamed it on us. I have a song that everyone should listen to. It's called "I Hope They Call Me On a Mission" on a cd called Bopcorn Popping, I think that's what it is. It's a totally rapped version of the song. I want it when I get home, I probably shouldn't listen to it everyday as a missionary haha. Then we started talking about gangster sister missionaries....

Anyways, I have good days and bad days. I guess that's how it goes in missionary work. I've realized that if I am able to effective studies in the morning, usually my day goes better. My studies are dependent on how focused I am in the morning which is dependent on prayer. So....like the conclusion I made a few weeks ago, it really depends all on prayer. When we had the meet the president meeting President Cleveland gave us three scriptures: 2 Tim 1:7-8, Josh 1:9, and D&C 6"36. . President Hinckley said about these scriptures

"If every member saw these every day, more miracles will occur".

So those three scriptures are now posted next to my desk. I would invite everyone else to do the same. They really are amazing scriptures.

So I have four weeks left of training, yes I am still counting down the days. I just constantly have to remind myself why I came out. I'm going to be ready my scriptures a lot more, if that's even possible. I really feel the best when I am able to read the Book of Mormon. I also particularly like D&C 121. Joseph Smith had it WAY worse then I do. Revelation comes at a low point. Missions are about a lot of things, learning to receive revelation is one of them. Oh! I wanted to share a dream I had about a week and a half ago. I was home from my mission, I had been asked to speak in the singles ward. As I was waiting to give my talk I couldn't remember anything from my mission, well I could only remember the first three transfers. I sat there thinking "what have I done with 18 months of my life?" I woke up with kind of a terrible feeling. I realized I don't want that to happen, I don't want to go home and wonder where the time went.

Kyla Mayberry