Week 58-April 26th

The sisters specialized training on Wednesday was incredible! President Connolly (member of the mission presidency) gave a training on women and the priesthood that completely change my perspective. To summarize, the priesthood allows men to develop the qualities that are innately given to women. We got Cafe Rio for lunch! And then the afternoon session was about taking care of our bodies. We did a workout and zumba! Or mostly we just danced around because none of us actually knew what we were doing.

On Tuesday we found this lady named Maricia. She's a single mom when an autistic four year old son. She recently moved here and is looking for a church to attend. We left her with a Restoration pamphlet and a return appointment for Thursday. When we went back she had read the pamphlet and had several questions. It was a pretty quick lessons but we introduced the Book of Mormon and left her with a copy. I have VERY high hopes for her. We'll be seeing her again this week. We also taught Hongtao again. We said the opening prayer and then her immediately said the Book of Mormon couldn't be true because he had watched a video on it. We taught him the Restoration lesson and then committed him to read at the end of it. If he progresses, it will be very slow. This week has had more teaching opportunities then I've experience in a very very long time. I loved every minute of it. I've been able to study the Restoration a lot which has been such a blessing.

Saturday morning we helped the ward clean the building in preparation for stake conference. Then we went and go Mary Kay facials haha. We met this lady last week who invited us over to talk about Jesus and do facials. We asked President for permission and said "if you get a free facial, go for it!". She also invited us back to talk more about the church. We explained to her a lot about mission life and she was pretty impressed.

The Saturday night session of stake conference was a very revelatory experience. One of my favorite quotes:

"When we see our true potential we rise to greater heights." President Ellis

Bishop Dean A. Davies came for conference. He told the story behind acquiring the land for the Vancouver temple. He said that not every temple has a unique story, but that some do and you can't help but realize the hand of the Lord is in it. Afterwards, I went up and told Bishop Davies that I appreciated the story because that temple is my temple. He is one of the kindest people ever. He used to be a mission president in Puerto Rico and one of his sisters is now in this stake. He had her come up and bear her testimony. She said something that really struck me; missionary work causes feelings that you wouldn't experience otherwise. It's true both in the positive and negative sense. I've never experienced more frustration and sorrow then I have this last year and I've never experience greater joy. I recognize that these feelings are helping me to become the person that I need to be.

Easter was wonderful, much better than last year. For lunch we went to a member's house with like 20 people. It felt like going to a family reunion. We went to another family's house for dinner. This family has changed me more in the last few weeks then any other family. They have a daughter who is nine years old who was diagnosed with a brain tumor three years ago. She had to learn everything over again and still has many challenges. I have never seen a family act in such a patient and loving way. The Spirit is so strong in their home because they know what family means. They asked us about all of our investigators and opened up their home for us to teach them there. They are excited to help the missionaries in any way. We had made cookies to deliver to members of the ward since tracting on a holiday isn't really productive. However, we weren't able to deliver many of them because we got caught up chatting with people.

What I learned this week: I have the tendency to prevent the Atonement from working in my life. I'm not relying on Christ to make my weaknesses become strengths. Rather, I just make excuses and say that's the way I am. Which is exactly what Satan wants us to think. So instead I've set the goal and determination to become the best me I can be and recognize that I have the infinite ability to change :)

Sister Mayberry 

Easter Sunday

Long day of missionary work!

Week 57

Wednesday morning President Cleveland and the assistants came and gave a training on how to do church tours. We will now spend a half hour everyday practicing so we will be prepared to take investigators and members in a couple months. The previous week we had gotten a couple referrals from a member of people who live in their same complex. I wasn't super hopeful about the first one. The quickly told us her and her husband attend the Methodist church but let us in to talk anyways. At first it was just small talk; she asked questions about missionary life and so on. Then she asked us the golden question "how did you come to know that your church is true?" Both Sister Hales and I shared what you could call our conversion story. She began to ask validity questions about the Book of Mormon (ex. the verse in Revelations and there being no more prophets). I was nervous because it had been awhile since I had gotten these kinds of questions. But we handled them like a champ and she definitely felt the Spirit. She even said we could come back! The next was this Brazilian woman. She let us in right away and we found out that the elders had been over there before and left her with a Restoration pamphlet. We explained to her more about the Book of Mormon and committed her to read in 3 Nephi. I felt like I was in a foreign place talking to her. Unfortunately she is going back to Brazil for the summer and won't be back until August. We are hoping to get her a Book of Mormon in Portuguese this week. Both of those teaching moments were such tender mercies. I felt like we hadn't had many opportunities to teach since coming here, or in the last five months.

On Friday we went to teach Hongtao. We met him last week while tracting and he shared with us that he believes in Dao. Basically it's like there needs to be a balance in life. He told us that he had Jehovah Witness come for a year and they couldn't convert him but that we could come back. We did not know what we were getting ourselves into! He is probably one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. He doesn't deny there is a God, but has just never had an personal experience with Him. There Spirit wasn't there at first because we were trying to get a feel for his background. However as we taught doctrine the room changed. The member we brought with us bore a powerful testimony! We taught about the role of prayer and committed him to say the closing prayer. I didn't know how it was going to go at all. What he said was beautiful and I could tell was heartfelt. The only thing is, and he knows this because he told us, is that he isn't looking for anything so it's going to be hard for him to change.

We went tracting in this apartment complex for over two hours afterwards. We found more potentials than I have ever found! Since coming here to West Lafayette I feel like people of another ethnicity are WAY kinder than Americans haha. Most of the people were at least open to talking to us for a few minutes. We have high hopes that we will get some new investigators from this potential pool.

Saturday morning I woke up feeling sick. I barely survived personal study and then went back to bed for an hour. At 10 the ZL's knocked on our door and asked us if we wanted to go practice church tours at the church with them. So we went. I have the weirdest ZL in the mission, but you can't help but love them. You just never know what is going to come out of there mouths. They told me to go back to bed too but we had an appointment to teach a member lesson afterwards. I came home and also slept during our lunch break and then we tried a potential. I knew I wasn't feeling good because I didn't have an appetite at all and the only thing that sounded good was saltine crackers and popsicles. Sister Hales told me that we just needed to go home. We ran to Walmart real quick and got the food and then I went home and laid in bed the rest of the day. I think that sometimes my body just doesn't get enough rest and just kind of has these freak out moments were it can't take it anymore. While I was in bed I was watching Mormon messages. One of them that I watched was about the man whose wife and two kids were killed in a car accident in 2007. Something he said really stood out. He said that I can't prevent Christ from working in the lives of people. Sometimes I know that I am being a hindrance to the Atonement from working whether it be in my own life or the life of another.  We have to be quick to forgive to allow the Atonement to permeate everyone.

Sunday the ward boundaries of Lafayette 1st and 2nd ward and the Logansport branch were realigned. President Ellis told us about two weeks ago and it was hard to keep it a secret the entire time. No one is leaving our ward but we are getting people from both units. Now I'm even more overwhelmed because we have even more people to learn. However, I really enjoyed the Easter program (next week is Stake conference). A couple members approached us in the hall and told us of people they are working with who they hope to introduce us to soon! I don't think that has ever happened before. Both Sister Hales and I were really excited.

Sunday afternoon was probably one of the hardest experiences I've had in awhile. We had planned to PC this park for an hour or so until our dinner appointment. We saw this guy sitting under a pavilion and we walked over and started talking to him. He immediately invited us to sit down and we began to talk about his experience with coming to know Christ. He shared with us that he was a student at Purdue and had even been to the YSA ward before. It made a quick turn for the worse. He began to tell us reasons why the Book of Mormon was false and kept showing us scriptures out of the Bible (he had been reading it when we walked up). A sick feeling overcome me and I immediately shut down. I didn't know what to do. Luckily, Sister Hales is a champ and just kept bearing her testimony. I still don't know how to get out of these types of situations. We probably ended up talking to him for about 40 minutes and when we finally walked away and I had absolutely no desire to talk to anyone else. As we were walking back to the car I told Sister Hales I just felt like crying, and that's what I did for probably the next hour. I've been told anti stuff before but it never hit me like it did yesterday. We shared with each other experiences of feeling the Spirit through tears. I didn't want to go to the member's house for dinner because I knew we would be teaching a short lessons afterwards and I felt like I just couldn't do it. I made it through the dinner appointment. Afterwards we came in to do studies. I still felt sick. I didn't want to read the Book of Mormon. I made the mistake of looking up scriptures in the Bible, searching for verses that proved that man wrong. When we were in the car earlier we texted the ZLs to see if they could give us blessings. They weren't available until that night. They came over and asked us what was going on and we explained the whole story. They are so sweet. They just told us there was no way the Book of Mormon couldn't be true. They blessing helped but everything wasn't magically gone. My favorite was as they were leaving one of the elders said "you know how I know blessings are real? Because I am terrible at giving advice." Sister Hales and I did our daily planning and the STLs came over and we chatted for a minute. They had gotten bashed that day too. Earlier at church I had had this thought that the reason I had come on a mission was to learn to rely on Christ. I recognized that this was another opportunity to experience the Atonement in a different way then I had ever experience before. This morning I still felt rotten, I had some pretty weird dreams last night that I won't go into detail about. I told Sister Hales this morning and she told me that Satan knows when we are at our weakest point and will work hard on us. I felt better when we went on a run after our studies, adrenaline helps with everything. Yesterday hurt, really bad. But with time I know I'll be able to overcome it. It's normal to question things. I kept thinking about Elder Holland's talk "Lord, I Believe" and Elder Uchtdorf's "doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith". I'll be fine, really. It's just so important that my testimony is my own.

Week 56

First off....because it is really important. I just got my eyebrows waxed for the first time. It was fun! There's a sister in Lafayette 2nd the cuts hairs and does waxing for the missionaries on the first Monday of every month. Also....last haircut before you can do it again Mom!

This week was the first time ever we haven't had a car. My feet definitely paid for it. But Tuesday morning we played a prank on the elders. The STL's and ZL's live in the same apartment complex as us. We got a couple of guys from the YSA ward to dress up in morph suits. We had them playing weird Indian music and knocked on their door and started to awkwardly dance while the one elder just stood there. After about a minute we came around the corner and started through water balloons at them. We got it all one video! You can watch it once I get home. We thought we were pretty creative haha. All day Tuesday and Wednesday was spent walking and finding without much success. Wednesday we did get to see this cute 89 lady in our ward. She hasn't been to church all winter because going out in the cold isn't good for her. She showed us some of the crafts she's working on and fed us German chocolate cake. She has such a strong testimony of the gospel and LOVES family history. Wednesday night we had the craziest thunderstorm! Definitely the hardest rain I have ever seen and it lasted for hours. I was worried we were going to have to be outside in it, but luckily it all cleared up by the time we went outside.

Friday morning we had zone meeting. We all dressed up as warriors, pictures to follow. One of the elders gave a training on the Lion King and being a successful missionary! I wish I could write everything down that he said. He's a pretty animated guy so it worked. Basically the gist of it was that as missionaries we are here to help people find their way to understand their divine potential. Just like how Rifikki helped Simba find out what his divine potential was. Ask me about it when I get home, I can probably explain more about it in person. Friday night the Purdue sisters had a baptism and we had been asked to help out with the musical number. Then the Purdue elders had a baptism Saturday between sessions.

I have to admit, conference was a bit bittersweet. Sweet because I love conference and have been looking forward to it for the last six months. Bitter because it was my last as a missionary. Like usual, I had a few questions in mind that I wanted answers for. After the two sessions on Saturday I recognized that there was definitely a theme of love and the importance of serving those around us. However, the answer came with Elder Bednar's talk. I love talks that have a little story because then I am able to remember them so much better. Of coarse, I recognized that the current load I am carrying is that of being a full time missionary. And obviously it is providing spiritual traction for me. A mission is the best thing to help me return home to my Heavenly Father. I loved when he said an absence of a load doesn't mean happiness and that covenants yolk us to Christ. When we've made covenants it allows Christ to be right there with us because we've committed to being part of that yolk. When we haven't made that committed, He can't always be there. Then he began to talk about the enabling power of the Atonement, probably one of my favorite subjects. The Atonement enables us to become better than our mortal minds can imagine. But a question came to mind. What can the enabling power of the Atonement help me become? I've listened to several talks on this subject but then realized that I hadn't learned any specific examples of what we are to become. Looking back, the answer is really quite simple. After conference we had dinner with the Ellis', the stake president and his wife. It's tradition for President Ellis to ask a doctrinal question and you only get dessert if you answer correctly. This time we did it a little bit differently. The Ellis' would ask a question and then we would answer. the missionaries would then ask a question and the Ellis' would have to answer. We went back and forth until we had asked about 10 questions. But then President Ellis' asked us to share what our favorite talk was, why, and what step of action we were going to take. I explained that mine was Elder Bednar's and why. I told them that I was going to study what the enabling power of the Atonement can help me with. President Ellis said I'll give you one right now, "love". That was it. The combination of the talk and President Ellis' comment answered all of my questions. I immediately thought of the Christlike attributes, specifically the chapter in Preach My Gospel. That was a big part of my studies this morning. It is the Christlike attributes that the enabling power of the Atonement helps us become who we need to be. The redeeming power is still required, but I need to learn how to rely on the Atonement to BECOME those Christlike attributes. Sister Hales and I were talking about obedience earlier this week. When we are disobedient it is because of a lack of love. I still don't always want to talk to people. Is it because I'm shy? Nervous? Don't know what to say? Yes, but the deeper problem is that I don't love them enough. Think of Christ. He loved us so much He was willing to go through anything for each one of us. I'm definitely not at the point where I'm willing to go through anything for the people I meet each day. And I need to fix that. It won't happen today, or tomorrow, but over a lifetime of being diligent. We helped serve dinner Friday night before the baptism. I think it's a cooperation of churches here in the community and we are a part of it. Anyways, the lady was kind of....using a firm voice with us and some of the elders started overreacting and getting made. One of the elders said "Sister Mayberry, I wish I had some of your patience right now". I really didn't say anything but this experience can back to mind this morning. We pray to be given the Christlike attributes, but then must choose to develop them in our daily choices. I can pray for patience and then turn around and choose to get upset and mad in every situation. I won't ever develop patience that way. I can pray for love and then choose to notice all the qualities I don't like in a person and I won't ever come to love them. Praying is essential but then I have to use my agency correctly to become an answer to those prayers. Heavenly Father won't force me to become anything.

That's what I learned this week. Unfortunately, we didn't teach hardly at all this week. We talked to the assistants on Saturday and they gave us a few pointers on how to find (they both served on Purdue campus). Luckily Sister Hales and I's relationship is just about perfect! We were talking one night about why sometimes we feel like we can't be ourselves all the time. We decided it's because we feel like we have to put on this face and be perfect all the time in front of the members. In Plymouth I got past that when I broke down that one Sunday and some members realized how stressed out I get about being out here. And that right there is why it was so hard to leave because I had developed true friends there.

Week 55 Double Transfer???

Saying goodbye was so hard!!! I felt like I was leaving my family. Luckily, I was pretty proud of myself and I didn't shed too many tears on Monday and Tuesday. I didn't get any sleep those two nights! I would have thought by now I would have gotten used to transfers...but I guess I never will. Tuesday night was probably the best last night I could have had. A member in the branch has the really really good family friend that isn't a member that was quite upset when she found out I was leaving. She wanted to have us over for dinner. After dinner we taught her about the Book of Mormon using the pictures in the front. It was a good lesson, I had each family member share with her why they love reading the Book of Mormon. On our way down to Indy Wednesday morning, we got this text from the member

"Good morning sisters! What a beautiful day. Wanted to thank you for the wonderful message you share with us and especially Kathy last night. She was really appreciate of it. She called me last night to tell me that she really loved what you shared. I stopped by this morning at her house and she was reading the Book of Mormon. I hope we can continue to share the lessons with her. I am not sure she will ever join but she will have been given the chance. And because of you two I had the courage to share with her. Love you both!"

I absolutely love getting texts like this (and yes I write them down in my journal). Tuesday night I lay wide awake in bed so I got up to write some lessons I had learned in Plymouth in my journal. This was my first area where people have asked me to keep in contact. I've learned how to develop family like relationships, how serving people leads to love. I didn't know what it meant to strengthen the ward/branch members. I've learned what it means to truly care for people. President Kelly played a huge role in teaching me that. I don't think I was supposed to learn how to teach investigators in Plymouth, but I learned some other incredible lessons. At the end of our lessons with Kathy asked us if we were a Mary or a Martha. I didn't really know how to respond, probably because I've never thought of it. She looked at me and said I was a Mary. I I was deeply touched because I feel like that's a very meaningful compliment although I'm pretty sure I don't live up to it.

We stopped by the Indy temple and took pictures! I was so nervous that morning I couldn't eat! Since transfer calls I had been feeling I would be going to one of the Lafayette wards. Right before transfer meeting an elder came up to me and said I was getting double transferred into Lafayette 1st ward because the sister training leader had told me. First, I was a little mad because he took away the suspense! Well...he was right. I LOVE MY COMPANION!!! Sister Hales...she's from Spanish Fork Utah and has spent her first six months on ISU campus. I love it because we come from the same mission genealogy (haha cheesy...I know). Her great grandmother is Sister Donaldson...so we do things the same :) So the ward is probably 80% graduate students going to Purdue...lots of babies! We live just a couple of miles from campus and right next to three other sets of missionaries. I'm so excited to be around other missionaries! I think there are about 11 sets of missionaries in Lafayette/West Lafayette.

Obviously the first couple of days were a bit rough...always are in a DT. We helped two different people move on Friday and Saturday. Luckily, we have some pretty awesome investigators. I think every nationality is represented here. We went tracting and we only talked to one white person. Obviously I need to learn how to talk to people without a Christian background which I'm glad because it will push me more.

The broadcast Saturday night was wonderful and I'm even more excited for General Conference this week. Church was awesome. No one in the ward knew they were putting sisters in but there's been a rumor for a couple transfers now. The ward is definitely different compared to Plymouth. The one good thing was a didn't feel overwhelmed with not knowing anyone! In all my past areas I've just gotten a little bit anxious the first Sunday, but that didn't happen this time! After church we went out walking to try potentials. Oh....we only have a car part time. We are sharing with the elders in the ward until the mission can get more cars. Anyways, luckily it was about 60 degrees yesterday so I was totally fine with being outside. Last night we went to Why I Believe. I always love hearing the testimonies of recent converts.

I'M SO STOKED ABOUT THIS TRANSFER!!!! Seriously, Sister Hales and I are already best friends. We both think we should be companions for the next four transfers. It will be interesting helping her adjust to tracting and a family ward. She was getting discouraged because no one wants to talk to us. I definitely miss Plymouth, but I feel like this was a good area to come into.

Week 54

Some highlights from this week. We were tracting out in Walkerton earlier in the week and this woman named Ocatavia let us in right away. We taught her the Restoration, she asked to keep the pamphlet and we got a return appointment. Those kind of things don't happen very often, but when they do they are the best!

Thursday we had appointments almost all day but most of them fell through. So what we'd do??? TRACTED! I can officially smell a Mexican house, I'm pretty proud of myself being able to do that. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I'm really tired and don't super excited and happy. However, it's been a long time since I haven't gone to bed happy. As we have experiences throughout the day and see miracles I can't help but go to bed with a smile on my face. 

Saturday was quite the day! That morning we went out tracting in a "town" called Donaldson! I had to before I left. No one was interested, sometimes I think country folk are a little....less open to talking with missionaries. Brother Schieber was baptized last May and was deployed four days later. His wife was then baptized the following month. Well he flew in on Saturday and we got permission from President Cleveland to go up to South Bend and be part of the welcoming home party. Sister Schieber wanted as many people there as possible. There was quite a group and even a couple of tv stations showed up. We kept joking around about holding up our tags in front of the cameras. They have three little boys and it was such a precious thing to watch! When he came around the corner, Brother Schieber broke into a run and then they all huddled together in a hug for several minutes. One of the elders said you couldn't help but get a little trunky watching it. The best was seeing complete strangers start clapping along with us. We went out to eat afterwards and then to the church to have a welcome home/birthday party for two of the boys. 

President Cleveland told me six weeks ago that I would be getting transferred this time. So members knew and they kind of guessed it since I've been here a little while. President Kelly asked both Elder Oram and I to bear our testimonies. I only got a little tiered eyed! However the closing song was "Count Your Many Blessings" and I had been asked to give the closing prayer. I was doing everything I could to not break down. Sister Kelly was leading the music and we made eye contact and we both started crying. I just felt sick knowing this was probably the last time I was going to be in this branch....as a missionary. I've made promises to several individuals that I will come back and visit though. After sacrament meeting was over a sister came up to me. She lives here in the Plymouth and is lesser active. Over the months we've stopped by her house several times but have never been able to go in and teach her. She said that as I was bearing my testimony she started to cry and that she was going to miss me. I've always been frustrated because I didn't think those brief visits outside just checking up were doing anything. Well, I guess I was wrong!

We had dinner with the Richhart's....again haha. It was hard to say goodbye to them as well. Luckily we didn't have to wait long for the call. One of the assistants called at 9:20 while we were still planning. I'll be leaving, luckily I didn't start crying last night. I haven't slept the past two days. I call it week 6 week 1 syndrome. I'm very relieved to not be in a leadership position. This area will always be the place I consider when I became a missionary. I still have so much to learn, but I feel like I've become much more diligent and I want to be here. I keep having what I call nightmares, dreams of me going home. In one of them this week I refused to call President Pringle once I got home because I didn't want to be released. When dad handed me the phone I just started crying. I haven't seen a lot of success here as far as investigators go. We've found some and then they just fall off. I'm leaving the area with no progressing investigators, but I've seen a change in the branch. They didn't know what to do with sisters when I first got here. That's starting to change. I feel like I'm going to be leaving home. I'm VERY nervous for next transfer. I don't think that will ever go away. You finally get to the point where you feel like you have an idea of what you are doing and then you get snatched away. I wish I could adequately describe all the lessons that I have learned in this area, but I can't. All I know is that the Plymouth Branch has helped me to become a missionary. 

Welcoming home Brother Schieber and the district! 

Week 53: I'm officially a Hoosier

Hoosier: someone who has lived in Indiana for over a year

Tuesday we went tracting out in this place called Teegarden. I think 100 people live there. We had parked our car and then were heading to the street we had picked out to tract. As we were walking by this lady and her daughter were getting out of the car. She asked if we were new (obviously it's small enough that everyone knows everyone) and we told her we were missionaries. She kind of brushed us off and instead of being persistent I moved on. Then as we were heading back to the car later I had this feeling to go knock on her door. I fought it hard. But I knew I would feel so guilty about it if I didn't. So just as we were walking by I told Sister Bunnell I was going to knock on it. It probably wasn't the most effective door, I didn't ask inspired questions or anything, but I simply told her how much the gospel has blessed by life and I wanted her to have the opportunity to learn about the church. I left her a mormon.org card and was on my way. 

Wednesday marked my one year in Indiana. To celebrate I read through my journal entries from a year ago. That first day in the field was absolutely wonderful. Every day I thank my Heavenly Father for placing me in each of the position of have been in and the people I have met. 

Vocal Point is a wonderful CD to listen to after a stressful day. I was jamming out Friday night. During district meeting that morning we talked about the Atonement and turning the day over to the Lord. I realized I don't teach about the Atonement enough. We had some rough days with our investigators this week, I won't go into detail but long story short we didn't have any progressing investigators this week. By Friday night I was REALLY looking forward to going to the temple. I had a hard time sleeping that night because I was so excited haha. 

The car ride to Chicago was a lot of fun. Sister Kelly had fun pointing things out because she lived there for awhile. WE DROVE THROUGH GARY!!! Obviously I've been there before, but I don't remember it! The coolest part was that all my giddy excitement was gone the minute we walked into the temple. We got there pretty early for our session and it was really busy. A temple worker told me 80 missionaries had already been there. Sister Clark was there! There was also another set of elders from our mission. There was a girl in our session that was going through for the first time and she leaves in two weeks for her mission. We had fun talking to her for a minute after the session. I didn't want to leave the Celestial room. There was an opening sealing room and Sister Kelly told me to go stand in there. That was a neat experience. Hopefully it will still be a little while until I'm there for myself ;)

Afterwards we took a lot of pictures. I just didn't want to leave but I recognize that right now my calling is to teach people so they can experience the same joy that the temple brings. I'm definitely excited to be able to attend a temple weekly once I got back to school. That night we were walking around town trying a few potentials. In the distance I saw this lady walking around this park thing. I decided we were going to go hunt her down. We got up to her and found out she was visiting from Mishawaka for the evening and had some time to kill before dinner. She had talked with missionaries briefly before. We ended up walking with her for about 20 minutes around town and teaching her about the Restoration. I loved it because the conversation was so natural and it just flowed out. 

At church yesterday I had to play the piano during sacrament because the pianist couldn't come. I was super nervous. I was also doing accompanying Sister Bunnell and Elder Van Shaar singing. After the musical number I was just sitting in the congregation I got a bit teary eyed. Feelings of inadequacy and self doubt began to creep in. In gospel principles we talked about repentance. All I could think about was everything I was doing wrong. I was stressed about Jeremy's baptism after church and the current situation with one of our investigators. We were about to go into Relief Society when we stopped and talked to a sister. She told me how she didn't know there was a baptism and I started to apologize and then just burst into tears right there in the middle of the hall. I felt pretty foolish but I was just so overwhelmed. Of course she asked me to explain what was wrong and I told her how I just felt like I wasn't doing enough for the area and I was just emotional stressed out. After talking for a few minutes we headed into the room but I realized I needed another tissue. So we went to bathroom and two other woman were in there (one was also crying haha). Sister Richhart took one look at me and asked what was wrong. It started all over again! We had a bit of a crying session in the bathroom and we said we all felt like high school girls again. I recognize how dangerous it is to let feelings of doubt creep in. Sometimes I just feel like I get too emotionally involved in this work and I so desperately want to fulfill everything that my Heavenly Father wants me to do. But oftentimes I feel like I don't know how to listen to the Spirit so I don't understand what He wants me to do. At the end of Relief Society President Kelly pulled us aside and reminded me about the role of agency in salvation. To count the miracles that I have seen and remember my experience at the temple the previous day. I can't control the decisions that other people make. It's just hard because I want to help people and I hate it when they don't think that I'm helping them. Luckily, today I'm feeling much better. Usually I just need a good night's sleep and some interaction with wonderful branch members. 

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Week 53

I don't have much time this week because we have a short preparation day. Why????!?!?!?! BECAUSE WE ARE GOING TO THE TEMPLE THIS SATURDAY!!!!!

The beginning of this week was a little rough because both of our baptisms that we were supposed to have fell through. I was a bit stressed out, but don't have time to explain all the details. Wednesday I was up in South Bend on exchanges with Sister Saunders. I was a bit nervous because I have never served around her before and don't know her at all. We had a lot of fun together though. We talked a lot about persistence and the role it plays in missionary work. We both set goals to work on it so each night we text each other a moment we had that day where we were persistent. It has helped so much! I'm always looking for opportunities and its already worked wonders with my attitude. She asked me to think about how I experience the Atonement when we were planning Tuesday night. As I was praying, diligence came to mind. It's being diligent in making the right decisions (ex. prayer, scripture study, having a good attitude) that allow a change of heart to happen. Sure I could make good decisions here and there, but it's making them day after day that create conversion, or allowing the Atonement to permeate me. I know a few months ago I realized that I needed to experience the Atonement more. I've noticed a change in me because of my conscious decisions to be diligent. 

Thursday we taught our investigator with Sister Schieber. Sister Schieber is the coolest! She was baptized last June and had never taught with missionaries before. She told Audrey she never would have thought she would have been on "this" side before. Her husband has been deployed for the last 10 months and comes home next week. She's had a lot of her plate with her three boys and she bore a powerful testimony of how she couldn't have gotten through the last year without the gospel. She's an example to me of being strong even when everything is pulling against you. 

Ok So I got the package on Thursday. The minute I saw the socks I knew Elder Oram (the one from Yakima) would love them. So I took them with me when we went to the church that night. I showed him them and he flipped out because he's seen the Seattle skyline socks before. He told me I had to wear them the next day to zone meeting. I think he told about every missionary I owned the coolest socks haha. He even asked if I was wearing them yesterday at church. 

Saturday started out a bit rough. We didn't have any appointments in the morning or anything so we just tried potentials, tracted, and PCed. It was awesome! I talked to EVERYONE. I was looking for moments where I could be persistent. It was snowing, but I had a lot of fun. The best was when we PCed into Michelle. She was walking home from buying her boyfriend cigarettes. After talking to her for a bit she asked us why we would walk when we have a car. I straight up told her it was so we could meet more people, that if we were driving we would have never met her. She liked that. After lunch we went out to Walkerton to see a LA. We taught her and then went to try another one out in the country. They weren't home so I back up plan was to going tracting out there. We were just about to go in when I said we would knock the last two doors that were in our view, but that we would actually one knock one because they would let us in and we would teach a lesson. We knock on the door, the lady takes a look at our nametags and says "oh from the Latter Day Saint church, we'll I believe in the blood of Christ, etc". I just testified that we were Christian and also believed that we could only be saved through Christ. She told us her name was Debra and then invited us in. We were both concerned she was just going to bash with us. Then she told us how her ancestors joined the church in England, crossed the plains, and settled in Idaho Falls. She told us her grandmother was a "jack Mormon". It took us quite by surprise! Even today most of her extended family are members. We shared with her about the Indy temple being built and aspects of the plan of salvation. She disagreed on some points but also liked the spirit world. We were getting ready to go when she told us she had been baptized when she was 12. What? We were a bit confused, invited her to attend church with us, which she responded very positively too, and were on our way. Next time we are out there we are going to stop by again. She was a VERY animated lady. You just never know what you are going to run into. 

The elders had a baptism yesterday, Frances. She is one of the neatest people I have ever met. She was going to get baptized about nine years ago and some things happened and she never was. At the time she was living up in Michigan so when she moved back to Indiana a couple months ago she called the number of the elders from nine years ago and it was still a set of missionaries! She referred her to the elders and the rest is history. The best part was right after she was baptized. We were standing in the bathroom (the font is in the hallway so there isn't much room) with another sister. When Frances came out she went and hugged the sister and just started bawling. In the mean time, Sister Schieber had snuck in the bathroom and was watching and she started tearing up. She said it was because she remembers feeling exactly that same way last June. It was a very special moment, the five of us in that bathroom. It makes we wish I would have done the same thing when Leah Ann was baptized. 

This is definitely the happiest I have ever been on my mission yet. There are still plenty of times when I get really frustrated and down, but I guess I have a greater understanding of what my purpose is. AND! It's supposed to be 55 today and we are going to be walking around. What's not to love about that??

Sister Mayberry