September 23rd

One year ago was when I first had the impression to serve a mission, two weeks before conference. Never would I have thought that Sunday night, that exactly a year from today I would already have almost seven months completed of a mission. I think this very easily could have been the fastest/most life changing year of my life. I look back at the person I was a year ago and in some ways I don't even recognize her. Little did I know that changes that would occur to me as embarked on the journey of a lifetime.

So...the primary program yesterday! I realized this was my first time in four years being able to see a primary program (yay for singles wards!). Anyways, I think they sang all of my favorite primary songs. Unfortunately  Don and Leah Ann didn't make it to church which I was really bummed about.

Tuesday we had zone conference in Martinsville. I learned so much. We talked about D&C 4:2. If I want to reach my full potential as a missionary I have to be socially (heart), physically (strength), spiritually (might), and mentally (mind) healthy. That's incredibly difficult, but not impossible. My favorite part of zone conference is the departing testimonies. Even know, I feel like I'm never going to be at the point of these elders going home. One of the elders told us that every decision we make should be based on love and that we should experience God's love each day.

Unfortunately, the end of this week was pretty hard. So instead of sharing stories that happened, I'm going to tell you about some of the things I've been learning.

From Alma 26:22 I learned that the purpose of revelation is to bring souls unto repentance. The Restoration of the gospel allowed us to perform saving ordinances, that's repentance. Personal revelation I receive allows me to recognize weaknesses and what I need to work on to become more like Heavenly Father.

Yesterday I was studying about faith and how it leads to miracles. I was lead to Alma 32: 41. Part of it says "looking forward to the fruit thereof". I've never noticed this before. There are fruits of conversion and we are able to look for them. Yes normally Alma 32 is thought of the faith or testimony chapter, but both of those lead to conversion. Some of the fruits of conversion are desired to do good, not rebelling against God, and being filled with love. These are attributes I must look for in investigators as I teach them, but I must also look for them in myself. I've also been thinking about D&C 97:8 "observe every covenants by sacrifice-yea, every sacrifice. Sacrifice. I wish I knew more about it. Covenants allow us to become more like Heavenly Father and our Savior. I was reading "The Challenge to Become" My Elder Oaks this morning. This was what I learned. God can give me everything He has, but in order to become like Him I must do it for myself. I must learn what He learned and live as He lives. "The gospel of Jesus Christ is the plan by which we can become what the children of God are supposed to become". We must make sacrifices in order to keep covenants. I've been listening to a lot of talks by Elder Holland. I've noticed a them in a lot of them. He talks about the trials and experiences we all must go through in order to become like Christ. We have to go through some suffering on this earth. There is no way we can ever become like God if we don't experience a degree of what He went through. Salvation isn't easy. I think I tell myself this everyday. I wish I could adequately write/describe what I've learned, but it's not coming out the way I think about it in my head. Brad Wilcox wrote an article in this months Ensign about grace. Read it. I've listened to the entire talk, and maybe I've already mentioned this before, but in it he says we aren't earning Heaven, but learning Heaven. Some people I meet think we are trying to earn Heaven by doing good works. No. We are becoming like Christ and that takes work. That's frustrating because people don't get it. In ward council we talk about less actives who have fallen away. Usually it's because they don't want to put in the work that it requires to be a disciple of Christ. The gospel challenges us to live and become like Christ.

I got a letter from Hermana Ashley Miller on Saturday. It was just what I needed. She talked about how if these are the best 18 months of my life, I have failed. Because  mission should be the best 18 months FOR my life. Yeah, I've heard that quote before. Honestly, I think thank goodness this isn't supposed to be the best 18 months of my life because then I really don't want to live the rest of my life haha! Anyways, so I feel like it's ok if I don't love every moment of my mission, or even every day. What's important is that I'm more on the road of conversion than I was before, and that will bring me happiness later in life.

Back in July when I called President Cleveland the first time, after talking to him for maybe 10 minutes or so he said "I sense you are a pretty sensitive person". My first though was to be a bit offended because when I think of a sensitive person I think of an emotional unstable girl who cries all the time....unfortunately that has been me a couple of days out here. Anyways, I think you may have told me that same thing more or dad. During lunch I read a couple of letters from July. I started crying. Before Sis Francis could noticed I went into the bathroom. So I knelt down and began to pray. I begged God that He would soften my heart. As I sat there kneeling on the bathroom floor...I realized I am sensitive. Maybe it was God telling me, I don't really know. But I am. I think back on certain times of my mission, especially my first transfer, and realize that yeah I am pretty sensitive. But instead of viewing it as a negative thing, I've got to figure out how to use it as a strength.

I sense this week is going to be pretty hard. So extra prayers would be much appreciated. I have a lot of weaknesses and sometimes they prevent me from being happy. Other people also have weaknesses and part of this life is learning to forgive.

I love you all a lot! Thank you so much for everything that you do!

Love, Kyla