Week something-15

Emotionally this has probably been one of the hardest weeks yet. I could say I don't know why, but I really do. It's me, it's my attitude.

So Monday night, after planning I had gone to use the restroom. I come out and Sister Jones is holding the phone and says it's President Collins. My heart immediately started racing because I had no idea why he would be calling us. Turns out Sister Jones had written home about a male potential we had met on a motorcycle and her mom freaked out and called President. So he was calling to tell Sister Jones, but also he told us how much he appreciated serving with us. I didn't say much because I was so close to tears. Maybe that's one reason why this week has been so hard. I don't know who my mission president is! Luckily we'll get to meet him on Friday.

Where we give service we have been asked not to proselyte, but that if people ask who we are we can tell them about the church. Usually I try and bring up the fact I'm not from Indiana so then people will ask what I'm doing here, sometimes it works. Anyways, I was telling this lady that I was from Washington. Then after she left this other lady asked where I was from. I told her Bellingham, she said "really? I used to live there." So we talked for a little while. She actually lived in Maple Falls like 25 years ago. It was fun to talk to someone about Mt Baker and stuff.

Tuesday we had the sweetest thunderstorm! I woke up around 12 to lightning and tons of thunder, and of coarse rain. Then I woke up again around 2:30. Literally I have never seen so much rain in my life and the lightning was just one after another. It was so bright that the street lights would turn off! The thunder didn't just rumble, but crackled. Anyways, I'm pretty sure I've heard thunder everyday this week! So Wednesday night we were at a members house for a dinner appointment. We got a text warning us of a flash flood. If kind of freaked because we were driving to the church that night which is about 30 minutes away. It was raining pretty hard. Then as we were getting ready to leave the church we got another text about a tornado warning. So we camped out at the North Vernon sisters apartment for about 20 minutes. Then I decided we just needed to get home, just in case the weather got worse. A member of our ward also texted us and asked where we were. Don't worry, we made it home safe. The tornado was about 15 miles west of Seymour.

We got a new investigator this week. He's a young single father,....who speaks Spanish. I mean he understands English, but I feel very inadequate teaching him. I want the Spanish elders to be able to come down regularly so they can teach him instead. We taught him outside because the weather was nice. As we were pulling away we say him sitting under a tree, reading the Book of Mormon. It was so precious! Definitely a scene I have sealed in my mind. Oh so he lives in a trailer park. When we tracted into him the week before I told Sister Jones that maybe I would live in a trailer park in the future....the Hoosier life is rubbing off on me! hahaha

As far as key indicators go, we had a pretty good week. We managed to pull eight member presents, a record for me since I left YSA. However, like I said at the beginning, this week has been incredibly difficult for me. My mind is elsewhere, not focused on the work. During most of the teaching appointments I felt like I wasn't teaching with the Spirit. I was worried about making sure everything went well instead of teaching to their needs. My motivation to work has been about 0%. I feel terrible. I know I'm letting Sister Jones down, I'm not fulfilling my responsibility as a trainer. I realized something on Thursday. I don't feel like myself out here. This may sound kind of weird, but it's like "Sister Mayberry" is one person and "Kyla" is another person. I hate it. I thinks it's because everything about missionary work is contrary to how I was before. I hate that I feel this way. I know it's because my mind is on other things. I wouldn't say I'm homesick, but there have been moments this week when all I wanted to got was go home. Sometimes I just want to quit.  Friday was the worst. I also knew that Saturday was going to be hard. We ran to the park in the morning and went on the swings. It's kind of sad how that's what I find joy in. Anyways, sorry this is such a depressing letter. But it's how I'm feeling right now. This morning during studies I was reading President Uchtdorf's talk from last general conference. First I read the part about how when we pray we need to tell Heavenly Father everything. He knows what I'm going through, but telling him my frustrations and weakness will only help me. Then I read this quote:

   "He does not wish to break your Spirit. On the contrary, He desires that you ride up and become the person you were designed to be."

Reading that helped, but now that I'm typing all this out to you, I'm feeling worse again. Basically I'm just sitting here in a public library... crying. It's crazy how just last transfer I was the one pumped about missionary work, all I wanted to do was change the world. Now, I'm finding it difficult to work. But I will get over it. The good thing is is usually these feelings only last a short while, just a couple of hours each day. So even though I'm struggling how, I'll manage. I just tell myself that eventually each day will come to an end. It's true what they say, the days out here are long, but the weeks are starting to go by faster. Luckily on Saturday, Spencer is getting baptized. He's nine, his mom and step dad are members but she was less active when he turned eight. So we've been teaching him the last several weeks. Anyways, I'll be fine, just pray for me.

Sister Mayberry

P.S. Someone told me 2 weeks ago that I looked like I was 14.....I was not very happy haha