4-29-13

This was definitely my hardest week yet. So many challenges!!!

Monday: My district leader called me for the last time. I'm not sure what I've told you before, but he has been a lot of help to me. He's given me scriptures and told me things that I needed to hear at exactly that moment. He plays the piano and he told me that he had copied a bunch of sheet music that he would give to me on Wednesday. Anyways, he told me about how I'm an amazing missionary (I don't really believe) and all this stuff and I just started bawling. I felt way stupid. Then when we got off the phone Sis Clark and I talked for about 20 minutes, in which I cried the entire time. Then I cried while I was falling asleep. Monday was the first day where I got really scared to get transferred. When Elder Adams first told me that I was opening a new area, I thought I would be capable to handle it, but I quickly changed my mind.

Tuesday: I tried to focus as much as I could on my lessons. There were random times in the car when the tears would just begin. Luckily my companions were doing the same thing because they were both terrified about this next transfer as well. After doing daily planning that night Sis Donaldson asked us what we were both scared of the most. Sis Clark and I both started crying, again. Sis D then asked us if we would like blessings tomorrow. Sis C and I looked at each other and then both said yes. We had a conference call with our district to decide our monthly baptism goal for May. Then we texted Elder Adams and set up a time to meet up with them Wednesday morning.

Wednesday: Getting ready to go that morning was really sad. Sad to think that I wouldn't be returning and not knowing who my next companion was going to be or where I would be sleeping that night. I'm so grateful for the power of the priesthood. Sis D. wrote down notes while I was receiving the blessing. I think I've already read it over a hundred times. I felt a lot better after that, but certainly not completely happy. The ride up to Fishers was very sad. I wrote in my companion's transfer journals and thought about how difficult the next six weeks were going to be.

We had to arrive at the chapel early because both Sis C and Sis D were training. I decided to just sit in on the training instead of sitting out in the hall. Elder Adams told me I should sit in anyways because I would probably be training next transfer.....I hope he's wrong. Actually though the pattern is to have missionaries who have been out three months train. We got six new sisters this transfer and all but one are being trained by a sister who just finished being trained. During this meeting I was quickly able to narrow my companion down to two sisters because both of these were doing the second-half of training

Transfer meeting was good. It was weird to see all the new missionaries and to think that that was me just six weeks ago. My how I have changed! My new companion is Sis Fullmer. We actually went on exchanges my second week, so I had already met her. She is originally from Haiti but was adopted eight years ago. We were assigned to work in Seymour, IN. It's way south, like it was a two hour drive. Fun fact: my scripture case was made here! Anyways Sis F doesn't drive, so I'm the designated driver. I remembered that about half way through the meeting and I freaked out. I didn't have a GPS! I had no idea had to get anywhere. Then I asked SIs. F if she had one by chance, and she said she did.

We went and got out luggage loaded, it took awhile because the elders who had the car before us had left a ton of junk it it. The poor assistants had to come help us get rid of everything. I had to say goodbye to my companions. I started bawling as I hugged Sis C, luckily Sis D wasn't there so I didn't have to say goodbye to her too. This is Elder Adams last transfer so I knew I wouldn't see him again. Then we went and got some food and started the drive! Southern IN is beautiful, a lot of trees and even a few rolling hills. I was terrified the entire way down. I warned Sis F that I might start randomly crying, and I did. Poor thing, she probably thought I was an emotional wreck, which I was. In the car Sis F told me that she was excited to be my companion. When she went on exchanges with us she said that she was blown away with who I was at two weeks. I told her she was crazy. I didn't even talk during that exchange! Sis F is pretty quite and soft spoken. English is also her second language, so sometimes she has to repeat things.

Luckily we found our apartment without any problems. Seymour is a nice town, about 15,000-20,000 people. We ran to Wal-Mart real quick to grab some milk and cereal for in the morning. We attempted to do daily planning, but I had no idea what I was doing. We also called the North Vernon sisters and set up a time to meet with them on Thursday. There are now two sets of sisters in the ward and were just dividing the area geographically.

 I have never felt so alone in my life as I did Wednesday night. All I wanted to do was drive back up to Indy and be with Sis C and Sis D. As I lay in bed thinking I realized that I no longer felt like a trainee. Sis F is awesome!!!!!! She's been out 7.5 months, but it's been in the same area so this is also her second area. I feel a lot of pressure on my shoulders. When we were driving into Seymour I felt a feeling of stewardship, nothing that I felt while I was in the YSA. I feel a personal responsibility to help this area grow.

Thursday: I started crying over my cereal. Seriously I have started crying every.single.day. So obnoxious but I can't help it! Sis F and I spent a little time unpacking, getting more groceries, and trying to find a map of the area. Then the NV sisters came and met us. Sis Bonner has been in the area for a long time, and Sis Bunnell was my mtc companion. We talked for a few hours. We actually have investigators!!! I was shocked. We are teaching a family, the Magallon's. She wants to join the church and so do some of her kids. However, she can't get baptized because she's not married and she can't get married because she doesn't have a birth certificate. She was born in Texas and her parents gave her away to her neighbors and didn't have a certificate. She's going to TX next week and hopefully everything will get worked out. She's the only person we have met with so far that they were already teaching.

Anyways, as they were talking I was getting very overwhelmed. It was worse than my first day in the field. I knew that I needed to know all this stuff because I couldn't rely on my companion to know it. That night we cut up our maps and started plotting people. I was one big ball of stress.

Friday: We had district meeting. My district now is a lot different from my old one. There are four elders and four sisters. Most of the elders are pretty young, which is different from what I was used to. We also did weekly planning which was difficult. It definitely wasn't my most effective planning session yet, but we tried.

Saturday: My two month mark!!!! We had a lesson that day that we were trying to find a member for. We had called everyone that the NV sisters had suggested. We began calling random numbers from the ward list and most of them were disconnected. I was way stressed out! We were teaching a single male and I knew we would have to cancel the appointment if we didn't find someone. Then he called and cancelled on us because he had to go into work. Phew! Then we went a saw some potentials. One of them is Chelsie. We knocked on her trailer park door and she let us in. We actually taught the entire first lesson and we are meeting with her again tonight. It was such a great lesson! Except I talked too much, hard to believe. Sis F is very quiet and I know I'm going to have to learn patience. I'm used to teaching with Sis D which are these Spirit-packed lessons and she's teaching doctrine like nobody's business. Sis F speaks slower and quieter. Yeah it's going to take a lot of learning on my part. I feel like there have been many time so far that I have taken over the situation.

Then we spent about two hours tracting. Everyone here is Luthern. Out of all the doors we knocked on only two weren't. It was pretty frustrating. I'm glad that we have been told by our leaders that tracting is not the most effective way to do missionary work, it's through the members.

Sunday: I woke up feeling awful. At this point I hadn't slept through the night all week and my body was beginning to suffer. I had a major sore throat, runny nose, and possibly a mild fever. My chest has also been bothering me all week because of the stress. Anyways, we drove to church which is about a 20 minute drive. I met more people at church than I have ever met in my life and I can't remember any of their names.....great. The people are nice though, definitely country folk. After church we met with the NV sisters again and discussed the boundaries and how to work with the ward. About a year ago there was a sister here who burned every bridge with the ward members. They didn't like the sisters. So Sis Bonner has had to work very hard to gain the trust of the members again. We talked a lot about the circle chart and how it's not working.

Once again I got very overwhelmed. I don't understand how to work with the ward. I don't understand what we are supposed to be spending out time doing. They tell us to not spend too much time doing less active work, or tracting, but we need to build relationships with the ward members. It was too much!!!! There is no set guideline on how to use our time and it's making me way frustrated. I want to use my time as effectively as possible, but I don't know how to. My companion doesn't know either. So I thought a lot about it last night. My goal is to see a couple of less actives a week and try to get them teaching with us. Then we are helping strengthen less actives at the same time we are teaching investigators. Also I think I just need to talk more with the Bishop. When Elder Ballard came he told the stake presidents and bishops that missionaries need to be teaching 20 lessons a week. Whether that be investigators or members. So then there is that thrown into all of this.

Basically I've concluded that teaching lessons is probably the easy part. I felt like that was what I learned last transfer. Now I'm going to learn how to use my time most effectively and gain a better understanding of how to work with the ward. One thing that was promised to me in my blessings was comfort and strength as I entered my new area and that I would know what I need to be doing. Every time I start to get frustrated I think of that promise. For whatever reason, Heavenly Father needs me in this area, that was another promise made to me. I've never listened more from promptings from the Spirit then I have the last few days. In YSA I relied on Sis D because I knew that she received revelation for the area. Now it's my time to learn. I just keep telling myself that I'm not alone. I'm a servant of Jesus Christ and I have not been sent to this area to fail. I'm going to have to learn how to rely on Him more. Now that I've written this huge long e-mail of all these downer moments I've had this past week, I feel a little silly ending with that. Submitting my will to Heavenly Father's is difficult. I think of myself before I think of Him. I've been miserable this week because I've been thinking that I can't do this, which I can't. I know that my faith will be strengthened as I learn to rely on Heavenly Father. So much to learn! Sometimes I can't even handle it. But I'll make it through it. Thanks for your prayers and support, they are much needed right now, as you can tell.

Sister Mayberry