3-7-13

Guess what?????? I'm alive.

The MTC has been better than I could have ever imagined. I haven't gotten sick from the food, yet. Except I wish I could actually eat something decent for once. They do have all you can eat ice cream on Wednesday and Friday's from the creamery. Oh and I got to try cookies and cream chocolate milk from the creamery this morning too!

Ok on a more serious note, I've learned more here than I could ever imagine. Teaching is hard! Being with my companions all the time hasn't been a struggle yet. It's difficult to teach lessons with three of us through. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking too much (yeah I know hard to believe). Everyday we teach one of our teachers who is acting as an investigator. This is the hardest. I can't get past that he's my teacher, Brother Staley. Oh my teachers are great. Sister Metzger has a ton of energy and also makes us feel loved. She's able to recognize when we need help and doesn't just teach what she is supposed to teach us, which is a great example for us missionaries because that is exactly what we are supposed to do with our investigators. Wednesday when I got here I didn't feel nervous at all. There is so much energy that it was hard to be nervous. Thursday was also great to. I quickly learned that the Spirit is able to speak to me. While we were dicussing topics in class, impressions would suddenly come to me and I would just say them. It was a great experience. Friday was more difficult. This is the first time we taught our progressing investigator, or our teacher. It was way hard. We tried to teach exactly what we had planned instead of paying attention to his needs. Saturday was the worst. The day started out fine. I enjoyed my personal study and my first class. Sister Metzger taught the class after dinner. I don't really remember how it started. On Friday Brother Staley told us that at some point we would hit a wall and we wouldn't be able to progress. I started praying for that experience and that I would be aware of when it came. So back to Saturday night, Sister Metzger started asking us questions that we didn't know how to answer. She then asked us what were some of the blessings that come from living the gospel. We started listing a ton on the board. She told us that our goal as missionaries was to help our investigators understand these blessings. They won't want to accept the gospel until they realize the benefits that come from it. I broke down. I realized I couldn't do this. I couldn't be a missionary. How as a supposed to help people understand what the gospel could me to them when I didn't understand myself? I was frustrated and I was hurt. I didn't want to keep doing this. I was beginning to realize that I couldn't just teach lessons, I had to understand people's needs and then match the doctrine of the gospel that they needed to hear. After crying for probably half an hour, I looked around and realized every other missionary in the room was also crying. Luckily we had all hit this wall at the same time. I'm very grateful for Sister Metzger's ability to recognize our needs through the Spirit. Instead of just moving on with the lesson, she took the time to help us through this. She read us part of D&C section 6. She explained that what we were all feeling right now was necessary. We needed to realize that we could do this on our own. The Savior will be with me every step of the way. That wasn't the only lesson I learned that night. I was emotionally drained. I felt completely inadequate. Then I experienced something I never thought possible. My heart began to physically hurt. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. I felt that way for the rest of the night. Unfortunately my companions took it as something they did, because I kind of pushed them away. Sunday morning I woke up with that same pain and I still felt like I couldn't move forward. How grateful I was that it was fast Sunday. That morning I explained to my companions again that it was nothing they did. This was something that I needed to go through in order to become more converted. We then went to mission conference. My faith was restored. The pain went away. Heavenly Father answered my prayers, and my understanding of the Atonement increased just a little bit. It was difficult, but it was necessary. I wouldn't say I doubted my testimony Saturday night, but I think my faith definitely wavered. I think the other reason why I was struggling so much Saturday night was because I began to realize that my entire mission was going to be like this. This wasn't the only time I was going to feel pain or sorrow.

After that experience I have been able to learn even more. I've prayed sooooooooo much this last week. I always have to remind myself that I wear my Savior's name and that He is with me all the time. I've come to realize that I can't progress several more times. Each time I have to take a step back and remember that I'm not alone. But don't worry I've had a great time. Don't think I've been miserable this entire time. The elders are great here, a little immature for sure. But I've had a lot of fun. I've been able to Ashley Miller, Alex Johnson, Jessica Schindler, Lauren Rasumusen (she's going to Mesa, Arizona), Zack Mumford, and Tayor Cambell (Kenz:). I absolutely love it here and I can't believe I'm leaving sooooo soon.

Ok on Tuesday my flight leaves from SLC at 7:20 am. We have a lay over in Denver from 8:44 until 10:25. Do you want me to call? Send me a dear elder letter if that works. They will deliver the same day so I'll get it in time. I wish I had more time to tell you stuff, maybe I'll have more time to write you a letter later today. I can't figure out how to attach pictures, don't worry I look the same. Ok times out, I love you all and I can't imagine doing anything. This gospel is true, missionary work is hard, but Christ is with us through it all.
P.S. Sister Mayberry is starting to sound more normal :) 

 

 

 

Sister Mayberry with her friend Hermana Miller