September 16

Tuesday and Wednesday was about 98 degrees plus way humid. When we were outside Sister Francis and I would talk about how cold we were just to take our minds of the fact that we were actually dying of heat. All we ate that night for dinner were blizzards because we were too hot to eat anything  else. Tuesday night we taught Don and Leah Ann again. Luckily there daughter was also there (she's married to a returning less active). She even listened and commented as we were talking! We're hoping that since her parents are meeting with us she will be more likely to as well. So their grandson's name is Jonathon and he was also there. I think he's about 3 or 4. When we sat down on the couch he asked if he could sit on his laps, unfortunately we had to tell him no. Then as we were leaving he said "I love missionaries" and then processed to ask his mom if he could go home with the missionaries. At least someone loves us! haha. Don and Leah didn't come to church yesterday, they didn't make as much progress last week as they did the first week we met with them. So hopefully we'll be able to help them more out this week.

On Thursday we met Dale the hillbilly. We knocked on his door and he came out and we sat on his porch and talked to him. While trying to teach him about the Restoration, we also discussed how he had just gotten out of jail, aliens, big foot, and who knows what else. There are weird people here. But he seemed pretty interested in reading from the Book of Mormon. It was just probably one of the weirdest contacts I have ever had. Oh yeah Thursday morning it rained; my favorite thing to do is tract in the rain! Sister Francis thinks I'm crazy.

Sister Francis is officially attached to me, like she suffers from separation anxiety haha. Usually she finishes making her lunch before me and goes into our room to eat (we still don't have any tables in our apartment). Anyways, not even 30 seconds after being in there is hear "Sister Mayberry will you come in here?!" Then I tell her no haha. Anyways, we are getting along pretty good. There are some differences just because we were trained by different people.

Friday we had a sweet lesson! So Thursday we tracted into Katie, a young mother and she invited us back the next day so we could talk to her husband. Jim teaches religion at Franklin College here in town. I didn't really know what to expect because he's a religion teacher and all. AT first it started out a bit like Q&A but we ended up teaching most of the Restoration lesson. At one point he asked me what I felt like was the most attractive thing about our church. I told him about the importance of modern revelation. I've been studying revelation a lot this last week or so. It's so vital not only to be a successful missionary but also for eternal life. Somewhere in PMG it talks about how exaltation cannot be achieved with revelation. Sometimes I think revelation is this big, momentous action or something. In reality, it's simply communication with Heaven. Anyways, back to Jim. I think he was really impressed when we told him how important it was that anyone receive an answer about the Church. Currently he's trying to decide which religion he wants to join, so we caught him at a good time. No return appointment unfortunately, but he said we could stop by again sometime.

So this week....a lot of frustrating moments. Originally when we got here we decided we wouldn't geographically split the area and that both sets of us would just go for it. Unfortunately the elders got a call Saturday night from the ZLs saying we needed to split it. Bummer! So after church yesterday we spent about an hour talking with the Bishop, elders quorum president, etc. trying to figure out how to split the ward. There really was no good way to do it. The actual city of Franklin sits on the northern side of the borders and then there are a bunch of smaller communities down south. Because we have a full time car and the elders don't, they thought it would be best to give us a pretty small portion of Franklin and then everything else. I'm excited to be able to go and work in the other parts, but now we have a mileage issue. So who knows! It's just a tad frustrating because the work we were doing is now all in the elder's part. So it's almost like we've got to start from square one again. Opening areas is so hard! Luckily I just heard from Sister Jones and Seymour is doing awesome! They brought some new investigators that we found there at the end to church last week. I just have to remind myself that opening an area does take time. It took almost four months in Seymour before I felt like I was really doing anything. It's kind of hard when you here about success an area is having AFTER you have left, but that's part of missionary work.

We have a ward BBQ on Saturday. I hate being social haha. It's still so hard for me. Originally I was really excited because I knew it would be an opportunity to get to know more ward members, then once we arrived I remembered that in order to get to know people I have to actually talk to them! We did alright. This one guy in the ward calls us the sister chicks...I told Sister Francis we should get shirts. There are a lot of converts out here and some of them told us they were tracting stories, so not to give up! Sister Francis is having a hard time knocking because she personally hasn't seen anything come from it. I told her most of the investigators I had in Seymour were people we found on our own. So I just have to help her see that it can go somewhere.

This week I've really struggled with feeling successful. Unfortunately I still go back to my first transfer when we had 5 progressing investigators and 15 member presents each week. I get so frustrated because I just don't know if we are using our time effectively. In some ways I already feel like I'm running out of time, but I just don't know how to use it. Then it goes back to receiving revelation. Missions are completely ran on revelation. Successful missionaries know how to receive it and apply it. I'm still not there...yet. We are just going to have to get more creative because our area has changed now. Anyways, I'm also going to focus on having more effective studies in the morning. If my studies aren't effective then neither is my day.

To end on a more positive note, I love sharing my testimony. The best moments are when I bear my testimony because then I know I am being effective. I think I'm going to struggle for the rest of my mission, which is good because than I will never feel comfortable with myself. It will allow me to continue to grow each day.

September 9

Tuesday we tried stopping by some less actives in the ward..no one was home. Story of a missionaries life. But we got a headquarter referral that morning so we stopped by that night. Don and Leah Ann are the coolest people ever. Their son-in-law is a returning LA in the ward who the elders are working with. They have started to ask him a lot of questions and finally just requested for missionaries to come and see them. During the lesson Leah Ann was telling us it was going to be hard for her to change because her sister is a Pentecostal minister and she will get really angry once they tell her they are joining the church. She was talking like she was already planning on getting baptized! They both were very anxious to read from the Book of Mormon, they asked for two so they could each have their own copy. It's weird, from the minute I met her, Leah Ann seems so familiar; I can't quite put my finger on it. I don't know if it's because she reminds me of someone else or what. At the end of the lesson we committed them both to baptism and we were one our way, two very excited sister missionaries.

Wednesday we spent a lot of time just walking and talking to whoever we saw. At one point Sister Francis asked me why I don't pray with everyone. I told her because I don't like to do things just so it can count as an other lesson (definition: teach a principle, leave a commit, and end with a prayer). So said she likes to because a lot of people have been impressed by someone so young wanting to pray with them, but that's never happened to me. The next person we saw was this guy in his garage. When we walked up to him I didn't think he would be too interested. We ended up talking for a bit and even prayed with him. When we were done he said it was sweet of us to prayer for him and that we had enlightened him. Missionary purpose fulfilled! After lunch we had made plans to see a couple of people and as we were getting out of the car we saw this woman out on her porch. We ended up talking to her for about an hour and half and taught her the entire Restoration. The elders had approached her a couple weeks before and we talked to them later that night at dinner and I guess she wouldn't even take a family history card from them haha. Sometimes, repetition is the key. Summer is probably the smartest 11 year old I know; she's the one getting baptized in October. She reads the Book of Mormon way more than I did at her age; she even has it downloaded on her kindle so she can read it at school. Basically, she just teaches us at the lessons.

Thursday morning was a little rough. I was falling asleep during studies (I haven't slept that great because I've been sick) and we didn't have much luck finding during the morning. That night we went and saw a less active with a member. Sis Johnson (the active member) is probably the coolest person I have ever met. She texted us before the lesson to tell us to wear something that could get dirty...I wasn't really sure what we would be getting ourselves into. The LA we saw hasn't been to church in a long time because of some difficult life circumstances and she's been hurt by ward members. I wasn't sure if we were really doing anything by being there. On the way home Sis Johnson get a text from the lady we had just seen thanking us for coming and said that the sisters always bring a special spirit. Yay!

Ok Friday night...we go to Don and Leah Ann's house again. Second lessons are always hard to plan for because A. they may not be there. B. they may have not read anything from the Book of Mormon. C. they may have read a little bit. D. they may have read a lot. Well Don was already in 2 Nephi and Leah Ann had read a good junk of 1 Nephi...twice. We were pretty shocked! We reviewed with them about the Book of Mormon and talked a lot about church. We knew church would be very different for Leah Ann because she was raise Pentecostal (I've heard some pretty wild things about that church). They were pretty sure they would be able to come but didn't know if they could come for all three house. Don has diabetes and recently had one of his legs amputated so he's still recovering. But they seemed pretty set on coming.

Saturday we went down to Edinburgh to see some LA families. The first one we tried wasn't home, so then we walked over to see the other one and talked to some people on the way...no one was really interested. The family we ended up seeing was super nice! Carey (the dad) was outside cleaning the BBQ when we walked up. He immediately warmed up and invited us inside and introduced us to his wife and one daughter. He's a life long member and she was baptized about 20 years ago. They've had a lot of phases of inactivity. They started coming back to church about 2 years ago and was even sealed about a year ago. Their one daughter went to EFY and had an incredible experience. Then, they just stopped coming. There are some reasons why, but Sister Francis and I have decided to just forget about them and focus on teaching them doctrine. We don't really know if they are willing to change or what, but we are going to try! We brought them up in ward council yesterday and the ward wants us to work with them. He's originally from Hawaii and so they invited us back to eat Hawaiian food with them! Because I've met so many less active people, I've realized how important it is to always be kind in the church and to watch comments we say to people. Yes, people choose to be offended, but we can also be mindful of the things we say.

We got out of ward council right before sacrament and I saw Don and Leah Ann in the hall! I was so excited! Easiest investigators to get to church. I think Leah Ann was a little overwhelmed with everything, but Don was really enjoying it. After sacrament and then after Sunday School Leah Ann would ask Don if he was still up for staying longer, and each time he said yes! After everything was over I asked him how he liked the third hour (because obviously we weren't with him). He said he really enjoyed it and they talked a little bit about the priesthood. It's weird, when we have investigators at church I'm always concerned at what is going to be said. I've realized that a lot about what we talked about is very foreign to other people and can be really confusing. I taught gospel principles because the WML had to go home. Luckily it was only on obedience so I was able to keep things pretty simple for Don and Leah Ann. Because we've only taught them twice there is a lot they don't know. But I'm so excited for them!!!!!!! Ah they have been such a blessing this week. Things are still kind of slow, finding still isn't my favorite.

So this week President Cleveland is having us write him a scripture that gives us hope. Last week in district meeting Elder Woodhouse shared Romans 8:18. I've read versus 16 and 17 a lot because we share it with people all the time, but I guess I've never thought to keep reading :). Anyways, if you don't have your scriptures handing while reading this, I'll expound. Paul is talking about how the suffering we go through right now don't compare to the glory we will experience after this life. I've thought a lot about what eternal life is going to be life, obviously I have no clue. However, what I do know is that everything we go through while we are on earth is worth it. Hope is Christ is what keeps us going no matter how terrible things are right now. One day, we'll have a fulness of joy (3 Nephi 28:10) and this life, we'll I'm sure we'll view it differently.

Just as a side note...in the last month of so I've had a lot of dreams about going home, I'm not really sure why. This week I had a dream that you (mom and dad) forgot that I was coming home.  So somehow I got home from the airport by myself, came home (actually it was our house in Oregon) and the two of your were just taking a nap like a normal Sunday afternoon! You were quite surprised to see me haha. So you better not do that! Anyways, Sister Francis has helped me to see small miracles everyday. Sometimes I get impatient and I just want to see huge changes here in Franklin, but that's not how the Lord's work works. Missionaries learn a lot of Christ-like attributes out here, patience, faith, diligence, charity, humility, obedience. Good thing I still have a year to learn it all!

I didn't take any picture this week...so Sister Donaldson sent me this one last week, flash back to the first transfer!

September 4

Last Tuesday was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Because I was in YSA for only 6 weeks I didn't really have time to get too attached to people. I met a lot of incredible people in Seymour and it was really hard to say goodbye. Bro Rollie was so sweet. I asked him if he was ever going to become a Mormon, he said he didn't know. He was just glad he got to say goodbye to me because he didn't get to to Sister Fullmer. Seeing the Gasaway's was really good. We talked a lot about the Book of Mormon and they had questions about how transfer worked. Courtney asked us to sing a primary song for Macy. Neither Sister Jones or I really wanted to, but we sang "I am a Child of God". It was like a repeat of the MTC all over again. It was a neat moment, Shannon said we didn't sound too bad. When I got in the car I almost started crying. This family means so much to me and it hurts that I wasn't able to see them get baptized. Wednesday morning Courtney sent me this text "thank you for everything you have given our family a sense of renewed hope that which can only be given through the gospel of Jesus Christ. You have become a great friend to us and our family, we will miss you dearly. We wish you the best of luck on the next leg of your journey. Keep in touch". That text made the last 4 1/2 months worth it. One day, they'll be members. I got their e-mail so I can keep in contact with them! We said goodbye to the Magellon's really quick. It's incredible to see the progress she had made. When I first arrived she didn't have a testimony of the Book of Mormon. Now she can get baptized in probably just a few weeks. Some of my most precious moments have been reading with her and her kids. I bore my testimony right before we left and I actually started crying. I don't think that kids knew what to think haha. I had a lot of hard days in Seymour and that's why I was so excited to leave, but when it came down to it I was really sad to go. I made a lot of mistakes, but I also learned a ton. I can say that I definitely left the area better than I found it. I was able to help plant a lot of seeds and I left Sister Jones with a couple of really solid potentials.

Tuesday night I only got about 4 hours of sleep. I woke up around 2:30 and just couldn't go back to sleep. I hate transfer week. I still haven't caught up on sleep. Transfer meetings are so weird, I don't know how to describe them.

So a couple of weeks ago President Cleveland told me he would put me with an experienced sister, it didn't happen. I didn't really expect it to either because there are only about 12 sisters who are older than me. Anyways, as you already know I'm done in Franklin. Sister Francis and I are opening a second area here (there are already elders here). I'm excited for a second opportunity to open an area. I learned so much of what not to do in Seymour. It's been a couple of slow days. Anyways, one of the assistants came up to us after transfers and said this was his favorite ward to serve in, but every missionary gets baptisms. So the pressure is on! We got the warmest welcome from the ward. The sisters are stocked to have sister missionaries. When we got here Wednesday night the Relief Society president brought us over BAGS of food (I'll attach a picture). I don't think we are ever going to eat it.

So the first couple of days we have just been adjusting. On Thursday we did weekly planning with the elders to just go over things. Afterwards we were in the car getting our GPS together so we could find our way home. The elders had already left on their bikes. They were just about the leave the parking lot when a car pulled up and started talking to them. Immediately Elder Callison looked at us and just pointed. Sister Francis and I just started laughing. It ended up being the Bishop, but the elders think they are just going to get forgotten about. They said they are never going to be able to get members to lessons anymore because we are just going to take all of them. Oh we've also had dinner appointments with members since Wednesday haha. They gave us one of their investigators. She has MS and her two teenage kids are RC. I think the elders are tired of teaching her and don't really know where else to go with her. We also have another new investigator already. She's an 11 year old whose grandparents are members. She's been attending church for forever but has never gotten baptized. She turns 12 in November so we are going to teach her so she can get baptized before her birthday. Sister Francis and I are both pretty excited. Oh yeah my companion! She's from Utah, 19, been out 3 months. We are already getting along pretty good. I'm so glad I'm not training haha. It puts a lot less pressure on me.

The elders had three baptisms on Saturday so those were nice to attend. The rest of our day was spent finding. I really like Franklin already. It's bigger than Seymour, but still has a little bit of that small town feel. There are trees everywhere! I was nervous I was going to get transferred to the city where there weren't a lot of trees during fall. That's not the case though!

Sunday was awesome! Seriously the best ward ever. EVERYONE came up and told us how excited they are for sisters. I guess we are the first set in about 15 or so years. I will now probably be the ward pianist. There are barely an RS sisters who play and I got asked to play yesterday. We also got to bear our testimonies in Sacrament. It was neat, as I was standing up there I realized I wasn't really nervous, at least not like I used to be. Remember how I was always terrified to get in front of people? That's mostly gone now. It's incredible to see how much I've changed. Repentance and conversion is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. From day to day I don't seem much different, but when I look back, oh man!

I've had some very positive days here in Franklin. Luckily it's cooled off today which is great because we don't have any solid plans.

Yesterday I stepped inside a department store for the first time in six months! I was joking around with Sis Francis that I wouldn't be able to handle it and that I would have an emotional breakdown haha. I got some new clothes. We also played volleyball with the elders yesterday, with a dodge-ball. We made it work.

Oh President Hilton is in our ward. He's one of the counselors in the mission presidency. He's going to be so much help. He met with us and the elders before church and gave us a ton of part member families to try. He really knows how to do missionary work and I'm excited to be able to serve around him. He's been very good to us, calling us almost everyday to see if we needed anything.

I'm way excited about the transfers. This week will probably also be a little slow, it always is opening a new area. I'm very grateful for the second chance that I have been given. I've still got so much to learn here.

August 26

Today marks exactly 6 months since leaving home!!...in some ways the time has gone by incredibly fast and in some ways it seems like I've been out here for an eternity. Oh! This sister is getting transferred!!!!! More on that later, but I'm way excited. And before I forget, I won't be e-mailing next Monday because it's Labor Day.

Anyways last Monday night Sister Clark (we did another exchange) taught this guy in the park. He's Hispanic (obviously)...anyways, it was an awesome lesson. He has a lot of questions and it looking for direction in this life. We committed him to baptism, but no date. During the lesson he asked that if Christ was perfect, why did he get angry and force all the tax collectors and such out of the temple? He asked "isn't that a sin?" Then I got to tell him my incredibly awesome definition of sin (not really). Sin is doing anything against the will of God. So as a missionary, there are things that are a sin for me that aren't for another person who isn't a missionary. Anyways, I learned a lot from answering his question. My favorite lessons are when I feel like I'm learning along with the investigator. We are seeing him again tonight which I'm really excited for.

Sister Clark helps me to see miracles in the work. We had an incredible day on Tuesday. We just talked with everyone and not at them, but with them. That night Sister Jones and I taught another guy on his porch. He's in his 20's and he approached us one day a few weeks ago. At one point I looked up into the clouds and just thought about Heavenly Father (yeah not totally focused on the investigator which was kind of a mistake on my part). We talked with him a lot about our Heavenly Father. Nothing is better than testifying. Sometimes when I'm teaching, I feel God working through me. I'm grateful I'm learning how to teach people because it is such an important skill. I'm grateful I can be an instrument in His hands. Tuesday I felt like His servant and there's no better feeling in the world. Unfortunately, so far, those types of days have been few and far between.

We've been in contact with this girl for several weeks. Her parents are both less-active members in North Vernon and she left home because she isn't getting along with her mom. She's living over here in Seymour. Well she had a baby last week and we stopped by to see her on Wednesday. It broke my heart to see the type of environment this baby is going to be raised up in unless something changes. She was sleeping when we went over there. She's too perfect. All I wanted to do was take her and put her somewhere else. It provides me more motivation to help her mother, so that one day this little girl can have the blessing of the gospel in her life.

So on Friday we went to follow up with a potential but she wasn't there, typical story. We had made plans to go see a couple of other people but I felt like we shouldn't leave yet. So I told Sister Jones we were going to knock a few doors. I think we was pretty confused. So on the third door we knock, no one answers, and then a car pulls in the drive way. I absolutely HATE this scenario, it's so awkward. Anyways, this lady gets out of her car and we start talking to her. She couldn't really talk to us then because someone had just driven a car through her shed in her backyard. But we set up an appointment for the next day! After we stopped talking to her, I turned to Sister Jones and said "we can leave now" with a smile on my face. The lesson with her the next day went really well. She asked to borrow a copy of the Book of Mormon before we even offered it to her. The sisters have another appointment with her Wednesday night.

We had a last minute zone meeting on Friday to talk about working with members. Oh yeah!! We went to Texas Roadhouse afterwards, by my request. I ate so many rolls I wasn't even hungry to my actual meal. It was a little difficult to keep the elders in line....sometimes I wonder about 18 year old missionaries haha.

Ok....misconception number one in missionary work. Missionaries do missionary work and they find people to baptize through tracting.

WRONG!!!!

Members are missionaries. They find new investigators and then missionaries teach them because they have been set apart, have the authority, etc. Unfortunately changing the mindset of members takes a lot of time and it can only be done one at a time. We taught a member family on Sunday. I was totally honest with them and said that if they don't like having a small ward they need to invite their friends to learn about the church so they can get baptized. If you want a bigger ward, do something about it! You can't force people to move into the ward but you can invite the people you know. Ok I'm done.

Church was weird...haha. I hated not knowing if I was actually going to get transferred. I had a pretty good idea that I would be leaving, but didn't know for sure. Bro Crail came to church! I don't know if you remember anything about him. They are a part member family. Sister Fullmer and I taught them a few times but then we stopped seeing them because they wouldn't keep any commitments. I think my boldness about coming to church finally got to him because he agreed to get a ride (before he refused to get a ride from anyone). We talked to him for a little bit after church and he said he would come next week. He told me that he hoped I would die in Seymour; I told him it wasn't happening because I still had a year left and that would mean I spent 11 our of 12 transfers here. I was just so glad he finally came!

So this week I was listening to a talk by Elder Bednar called "Pray Always". He explained how before the temporal creation, God had created everything spiritually. Our morning prayers should be the spiritual creation before our temporal day. I still don't exactly know what that means, but I've been thinking a lot about it. Prayer is something that I'm really trying to understand more and my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Sometimes He feels so far away, but then I read from the scriptures and I begin to feel better. I also listed to a talk about grace by Brad Wilcox. He compared grace to talking piano lessons. A mother will pay for a piano and the lessons for her child. She asks that her child learn to play. When the child accepts the gift that she has provided, they don't pay the mother back. Learning the piano doesn't pay for the cost of the piano or the lessons. That's how the atonement works. We don't pay back Christ when we repent and access the enabling power of the atonement, we are simply accepting the gift that He has given us. That's something else I've been pondering a lot.

So transfers...I feel kind of bad that I'm so excited to leave. But let's be honest, this place kind of has some bad memories for me. Sister Jones is training; she's pretty nervous. I told her she's going to get a visa waiter so they can teach all the Hispanics! It will be sad to say goodbye to some people though. Unlike in YSA, I was actually here long enough to develop relationships with some people. But that's missionary life. I'm so grateful for a new start though. I've learned a ton these last 4 1/2 months and I wouldn't trade them for the world, but they've been incredibly hard. I'm excited to apply what I've learned in a new area.

Have I ever told you about the bugs in Indiana??? So gross. Mosquitoes everywhere and there are big bugs that I've never seen in my life. First picture is a bug that joined Sister Clark and I for daily planning...I may have actually screamed when I saw it haha. The second one is a bug we saw last night. The other pictures are our district picture (they all came out blurry) and Texas Roadhouse.

August 19

Wednesday was interesting. Normally trainings with other missionaries get me really excited. We had to wake up really early so we could drive to Fishers for a mission conference with Elder Schwitzer. Sister Schwitzer said something pretty neat that I've thought a lot about. "Everyday of your mission you are going to think about home. Once you are home you are going to think about your mission every day". I've thought about that a lot and realized how true it probably is going to be. Elder Schwitzer talked about repentance. The purpose of missionary work is to help people repent so they can gain salvation. As he was talking, I just got incredibly sad. Oh yeah, before Elder Schwitzer President Cleveland talking about gripping onto the iron rod. He said when we are clinging to the rod we are becoming more Christ-like and because of that are weaknesses are very clear. The Spirit is telling us what we need to change. So anyways, the Elder Schwizter talked about repentance. Basically I was just getting rebuked. We took a break for lunch afterwards. I was in the bathroom and saw Sister Donaldson. I just started crying. She asked me what was wrong and I told her I didn't know. At lunch we sat with some sisters that I didn't really know. It was fine because I didn't really feel like talking to anyone. I decided to just talk to Sister Fullmer and update her on Seymour.

After lunch Elder Schwizter talked more. It was neat to have the entire mission together for the first time since I've been out. There are 225 of us and I think 30 more coming next week. For the closing song we sang the EFY Medley. That was really neat. Sister Jones has to get interviewed by Elder Schwitzer so we ended up sticking around for another 2 or so hours. I had to say goodbye to Sister Donaldson. That was SO HARD. We talked/cried for about 15 minutes. It's hard to think that I can't get permission to call her anymore. Then I talked to some elders afterwards haha. 19 year old boys...

Thursday morning we went and taught this Hispanic. We really underestimated his English skills. He didn't understand anything. Luckily Sister Jones (the member) came with us and she knows more spanish than I do. So after reading through the introduction of the Book of Mormon he told he even though he couldn't completely understand us, he felt the Spirit of the Lord. He is so humble. His wife left him about two months ago and took their son, so he is very sad. I got to kind of bear my testimony in spanish, basically I told him I knew the Book of Mormon would make him happy. It was an incredible lesson. Then we had the Spanish elders call him haha. We are going to see him again this week, we'll see what happens.

My birthday was pretty good. Yes the Jones fed us lunch. I wasn't too thrilled when she told me she was going to take a video of me and then put it on facebook. I was very happy the quality wasn't that great. The only thing worse than someone taking a picture of me is someone doing a video of me. We taught Benjamin in a member's home after that. He's doing pretty well. We had taught him the word of wisdom early this week, so he's working on his coffee. We also taught this other kids, probably in his 20s. The family he is living with are Southern Baptist. We taught him on this porch and the woman (like a mother figure) he lives with is a minister. She was standing there the entire time to hear exactly what we were telling him. I thought it was pretty funny.

The Spanish elders came down to Seymour and we went to Cracker Barrel that night. Once again....18 year old elders are sometimes are to control. The picture attached is us with balloons. The Jones had decorated the house and Della insisted that I take the balloons home with me.

That night we went and stopped by this woman's house named Mary. We met her a few weeks ago tracting and she told us to come back because she had just fallen and needed to recover. We had gone to see her last Saturday but she was expecting company so we left her with a Gospel of Jesus Christ pamphlet. She told us that she is reading to change and become right with God. So we went and saw her again Saturday night. She has just gotten out of the hospital that day, so we couldn't talk with her for long. She told us that as she was reading the pamphlet it said that the next step was the read the Book of Mormon. She said "now where could I get a copy of that book?". Boy were we glad to pull one out of our bags. She's very excited to read. We are going to go see her again this week.

Yesterday during sacrament we sat next to the Jones. When we got up to sing for choir Della had a melt down and had to be taken out. I had been asked to say the closing prayer so I was afraid the same thing would happen again when I got up to leave. I warned her about 10 minutes before that I would say that prayer. She didn't want me to go. So she followed me up there haha. I felt like a mom when their kids follows them when she share their testimonies. It was a neat experience.

This week had its ups and downs. I'm very grateful it's week six. I'm ready for change. I've had a lot of sad/frustrating moment this week. I just keep telling myself I've done this for almost 6 months already and I can just take it one day at a time.

August 12

I'm officially an Indian? Is that what people in Indiana are called? Anyways, for preparation day last week we drove to Franklin for a zone activity. We played corn hull; I played for probably two hours. Funnest game ever. Basically it's like a different version of horseshoes. Anyways, I'm pretty good at it now haha. I should have taken pictures, sorry. Monday night we ran into a lot of weirdos while we were working. One of them was basically this homeless guy. We met him probably four or five weeks ago and he's still around. He tried to hug us haha. Yeah that didn't go over well. Anyways, don't worry mom, I'm being safe I promise!

Tuesday night we went and read the Book of Mormon with Sis Magellon. This is seriously one of my favorite things to do. We had said an opening prayer, then she said "wait a second" and called a few of her kids to come and listen. Sis Jones and I were sitting on the coach and the four of them were sitting under a blanket with their copies of the Book of Mormon. The kids didn't pay attention for the entire time, one of them fell asleep haha. But I loved the sight of it.

Zone meeting on Wednesday was great. So in the past we have set monthly baptism goals. Now we are going to start setting quarterly ones. At first I was a bit scared, lack of faith mostly, because how can we see that far in advance? Well instead of just us full time missionaries working on this goal, the ward will be aware of our goals. It's incredible to be a part of the missionary changes going on right now. President Cleveland has a vision for this mission and he's working to fulfill it. How grateful I am that I get to serve under him. Anyways, working with the ward is slow and challenging, but it's the only way to hasten the Lord's work. In the short term, meeting with ward members and teaching them doctrine doesn't directly change our key indicators. But in the long term it will yield incredible results.

Thursday was a little challenging. It's incredible how the mission makes my weaknesses VERY clear. I've never been more aware of my flaws in my entire life. But it's a very good thing because then I am able to work on them. Repentance is so real. I don't really get it. One thing I'm very grateful for it that Heavenly Father is perfectly patient. I make the same stupid mistakes day after day, yet I know He will always forgive me and loves me perfectly. That's been an incredible comfort these last couple of week.

Friday we went and saw Benjamin. We brought a member with us who served in Argentina so the lesson was half Spanish half English. I was pretty proud of myself because I was able to at least get the gist of what they were saying in Spanish, not too bad for taking it five years ago. So Friday night Sis Clark came and picked me up! I was incredibly excited to see her again. The car ride back to Bloomington was wonderful. It was like we just picked up where we left  off. However, she has changed a lot. She's grown so much spiritually and has really filled her role of being a sister training leader. We went and taught a member that night. All the anxiety of saying the right thing at the right time came back. I hadn't felt that way since I left YSA. It was so weird. Those feelings of being afraid of disappointing my trainer came flooding back. That night I didn't sleep too well. I was actually afraid of working with Sis Clark. She just seems so perfect.

I learned a lot during my personal study Saturday morning. I was trying to focus on the lessons we were going to teach that day. I prayed for the spiritual strength to be able to teach in unity. I just felt so small and so inadequate. I have really wanted to focus on my ability to teach. It's fundamental in being a missionary. We not only teach when we have planned appointments, but we are teaching every time we are talking to someone. I sat their thinking, how does the Savior teach? I immediately thought of John 21. It's one of my favorite chapters in the Bible and I've read it a lot recently. A couple of weeks ago (sorry if I've already told you this) our zone leaders gave a brief training. One of them said something along the lines of "Preach My Gospel is the principles of Heaven recorded on Earth". I've thought about that line a lot lately. The scriptures are full of the principles that are taught in Preach My Gospel, it's nothing new. Anyways, as I was reading through John 21 I was looking for those teaching principles. It so exciting to see how the Savior taught in the same way that is taught in Preach My Gospel. He asks questions, extends commitments, promises blessings, follow-ups, uses how to being teaching, the list could go on. I've really come to treasure my time reading the scriptures. Anyways, the probably didn't make a lot of sense, but I learned a lot from reading that chapter.

Saturday, we ended up not teaching any of our lessons. So we PCed campus all day! School doesn't start for two more weeks, so for the most part they only people that were there were the Asians for orientation. We talked to a lot of Asians. My teaching started out kind of rough. As missionaries we are to declare repentance, but we have to learn to do it in a conversational way instead of sounding preachy. I have a hard time with that, especially when we start out. It was good to be with someone who is completely confident and bold to go up and talk to anyone. Sis Clark really is incredible and she was able to teach me so much. She's a spiritual powerhouse and I really needed it. Our drive back to Seymour was wonderful to. I shared with her some of the struggles I've been through this last month or two. She's been there and that's why we can talk. She has such a deep relationship with God that she just gets how to be a missionary. I'm so grateful that we get to spend most of our mission together.

I have a lot of regrets from my past transfers, especially my first transfer here in Seymour. Sis Clark told me that God trusted me to put me in that difficult situation and that He knew I was doing my best only having been out 6 weeks. In some ways I feel that I have scars from that transfer. But my mission so far has allowed me to be humble and teachable. I wouldn't trade my transfers for the world, because I am learning to become the person God needs me to be. I'm learning what it means to have faith. I don't understand how prayer or how the Spirit works; I don't understand how I"m supposed to help other people. Hard days are still ahead. Who knows, tomorrow I may wake up and suddenly not want to be here. But Saturday was what I needed.

Have I ever told you about Indiana skies? That are gorgeous. I love driving to church in the early morning. I can't help but think about our Father in Heaven as I gaze up into the sky. I feel so small and insignificant, yet special and known. We didn't have plans after church, like usual. We went and talked to people in the park. I tried to just remain calm and simply have conversations with people. I loved it. No, we didn't get an new investigators, but I shared my testimony and extended commitments. Then we stopped by a less actives home. She has Alzheimer's so it's difficult for her to come to church. She's one of the sweetest people I know. When we walked in, I didn't know what we were going to talk about. We just talked for a minute and then I thought of 2 Nephi 18 when the Savior talks about the importance of praying in our families. We shared a brief message on the importance of prayer. I felt the Spirit and that was all I needed. I don't know what I said, but I loved sharing with them my testimony of prayer. The simple things of the gospel are what I like to talk about. I could care less talking about how many times God has appeared to people, or the details of the signs of the second coming. I just like to talk about faith, prayer, etc and reading the Book of Mormon. Oh yeah! I got to teach Gospel Principles on the spot again. It was on baptism. We had started talking about what it means to take upon the name of Christ. One of the men (that same one who had taught Benjamin with us) raised his hand and asked "Sister Mayberry, how are you a representative of Jesus Christ?" I've never been so happy to answer a question in my life. I don't know exactly what I said, something about being a full time representative and what a blessing it is. In that moment I felt like I was beaming. For the first time in a long time I was proud and happy to say I was a full time representative of Jesus Christ. I can't really explain the experience, I'm just glad I was able to teach yesterday.

So this week ended very well. On Wednesday a general authority is coming so we are having am mission conference. I'm really looking forward to it! I don't want to be an adult haha. I keep telling Sister Jones this is my last week to be a kid! 21 is just too old. Anyways, I'm sure I'll have a great week. I love my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without serving a mission.

Our zone meeting and some pictures of IU campus. It felt like I was walking through a park. It's going to be gorgeous ones the leaves start changing.

August 5

Last Monday we almost got in an accident, don't worry it wasn't my fault. We were turning left at a light. All the sudden I heard breaks screeching and looked in my rear view mirror to see a huge truck steering out of the way. It would have been a repeat of Kenz's accident last summer. Anyways, so glad we didn't have to deal with that last week.

My interview with President Cleveland ended up being pretty short. I didn't have a whole lot to say to him. He talked to Sis Jones first and then he talked to both of us. Then she left and I just stayed for maybe five minutes more. He told me I would train again, I wasn't too happy about that. But he promised me it wouldn't be this next transfer. He also told me my life was only going to get harder after the mission....haha he's so blunt it's funny sometimes. Anyways, I guess I've just realized everything depends on me. It's my attitude that I have to choose to change. I feel like I didn't really get trained to serve a mission, but I realized that never again in my life am I going to get trained. So rather than complaining about my circumstances, I just need to learn to rely on my Heavenly Father because that's what I'll be doing for the rest of this life.

We lost Shannon and Courtney this week, kind of. They texted us saying they wanted a break. I was pretty sad, but I didn't let the disappointed get to me! Luckily we have some pretty awesome ward members who are going to stop by and see them. I told Sister Jones though I won't leave Seymour without seeing them again.

I learned something really neat in studies Wednesday morning. I was reading Mosiah 2:9 and it talks about opening our eyes, minds, and hearts to learn. As humans we learn with both the mind and the heart. Up until this point I have really only learned with my mind, mostly regarding school. I know the importance of missionary work in my mind. I have those moments when I get so excited to be a missionary. But I don't know if with my heart yet. It's just like Alma talks about having a change of heart. My heart needs to be changed in order to not only be an effective missionary but to return to Heavenly Father. Coming to know things with the heart is difficult because it changes us. Anyways, cool revelation from the Book of Mormon.

We were out tracting Thursday morning, we only talked to two people in an hour so I had some thinking time. Already I feel like my mission is slipping through my fingers, but at the same time I can't wait for the day when I don't have to talk to everyone I see. I can't help but wonder what I've done with the time since I've been out here. Most days I feel like I don't have a whole lot to show for it. I know I referenced this talk last week, but I read through "Missionary Work and the Atonement' again. Elder Holland says that sometimes the Atonement carries the missionaries more than it does the investigators. Hopefully one day I'll begin to learn that lesson.

Saturday we did exchanges. Both Sister Allen and Sister Clark came here. Sister Clark was able to fill me in on people in YSA. It was great to here how some of the people are progressing. The first person I ever contacted in the field is getting baptized this Saturday! They didn't start teaching him until after I left, but I still talked to him! I'm going to IU this Saturday to work with Sister Clark, I'm pretty pumped! Working with Sister Allen was great. We didn't have any appointment so we walked and talked to people as we tried potentials. I felt like we were having conversations with people instead of talking at them. It just seemed to flow much more.

The other night we got a referral from tracting, but the guy didn't know his exact address. We were in the same neighborhood Saturday night and this older gentleman was on a bike and slowed down to talk to us. He was the referral! It was pretty sweet. Anyways, the guy was a Jehovah Witness, he told me he had a copy of the Book of Mormon so I committed him to read it. Who knows if he actually will, but it was pretty fun.

I've learned a lot this week. It's all in my journal. Writing in my journal is now my favorite part of my day. I get the opportunity to write down these events that are happening in my life. I really am afraid I'm going to forget all of this one day. I also love going over and reading past journal entries. They help a lot on the hard days. So do general conference talks.

July 29

Where to begin....

Monday night I got pumpkin pie hahaha, it was awesome! Homemade and everything.

Tuesday morning for studies I read through "Missionary Work and the Atonement". One of the best talks ever. I'm so grateful we got to watch the video of it in mission prep. Anyways, out here I've realized that Satan has made people think that salvation is easy; all it takes is pronouncing faith in Jesus Christ. So then when we come along and tell them they actually have to do stuff, they think that strict and whatever and claims it's just religion. Incredibly frustrating. I just love this talk because Elder Holland clearly states that we have to work for it. That's why missionary work is hard. I'd recommend for everyone to read it....especially JEN SCOTT!!!!!!!!!!

On Wednesday for part of companionship study we went to the library so Sis Jones could watch some videos on family history. For part of the time I watched some of the clips from the missionary broadcast last month. I was reminded of how excited I was to serve. When the times are tough I try and remember that times when I was excited. Like the day I decided to start my papers, when I got my call, flying out here to Indiana, etc. Watching those videos certainly helped.

Ok, Wednesday night I met my first drunk haha. I'm surprised it took this long actually. So we were tracting in a nicer part of town, everyone we had talked to was Lutheran. Did I ever mention that EVERYONE in this town is Lutheran or Catholic??? It's true. Anyways, so I was expecting a similar response at this door. Boy was I wrong. This man opens the door and we ask him how is evening is. His response? "Fine, except I'm trying to get drunk and people like you keep interrupting me". haha He went on to tell us how he still believes in God even though all he does is get drunk. The smell was terrible, first time I've ever smelt it that strong. I thought we was going to fall off his porch. When we finally got the conversation to end, I just stood laughing in his driveway. I feel bad thought, poor guy.

Thursday was pretty bad. I woke up fine; our run was great that morning. But my studies weren't effective at all. I was mad during companionship study. It was awful. We went out and worked for a few hours that morning. We met a potential, hopefully. He's probably in his 20s, going back to school and stuff. We're going to try seeing him later this week. I got a nasty headache. We went in for lunch and then did weekly planning. That night we were supposed to have a lesson with Sister Magellon and then Shannon and Courtney. During dinner Sister Magellon texted us and said she couldn't meet with us. So we walked across town to see another potential, then Shannon texted us and cancelled. I literally almost started crying in the middle of the street. It was quite pathetic looking back on it, but I was so frustrated and depressed at the time. We texted Sister Magellon to see if we could go a little later, so we still ended up seeing her that night. I was also pretty down on Friday, but I got through it.

Saturday morning was incredibly difficult. Once again we went to the library so Sister Jones could finish her family history stuff. I watched a couple of mormon messages while she was doing that. One reason why I want an ipad....so I can watch those during breaks. They helped me out a little bit. We then went tracting again....everyone was Lutheran. I was depressed again. I felt like I was lying through my teeth as I was talking to people. Saturday afternoon I ended up calling President Cleveland again. We talked for a while. I'm so glad he's patient with me. He's used to dealing with a bunch of rowdy college boys and now he's having to listen to crying sisters haha. He gave me some things I need to work on. We have interviews tomorrow and he's going to spend some extra time talking to Sister Jones and I. He understands that I don't feel capable of training because I feel under-trained myself. He told me he wouldn't put me in another leadership position next transfer (thank goodness!). We talked about how my feelings of depression probably come from lack of self confidence. I've realized that I just lose sight of my purpose everyday. Last night I was studying about accountability. I was thinking back to when I was in school. I never had an issue doing homework, I was always motivated to do it. I wanted to know things and get the good grades. At work I was motivated to work hard because I knew I was getting paid to do it. Out here? I've lost all motivation. I think it's because there are no clear cut instructions of what I'm supposed to be doing. My assignment never ends. Missionary work is completely different from any other type of work I have ever done. It's kind of hard to explain exactly what is going through my head. Anyways, after talking to President we went and tracted for a little bit. I almost started crying on a couple of doors steps. I would have been so embarrassed if I had. People definitely wouldn't join the church if they saw the missionary just burst into tears haha. That night we went and saw a member who is staying in a nursing home for this week. She's actually in the ward in Columbus but the Relief Society President asked if we would go see her. She was quite the talker. We went down to their little activity room or whatever. She asked us if either one of us played the piano. I told her I did. So before we left she told me I had to play something. Unfortunately I have nothing memorized. But I played what I can remember of "Jessica's Theme". It's super weird, but my hands just love the feeling of playing. It just feels so natural to me. Nothing else about missionary work feels natural to me, so when I play I feel like myself again. It's the greatest feeling in the world.

Sunday afternoon we went to see some potentials and tracting. At one point we were walking through this park and crossed paths with this lady and her son. So lately I've people really bad about talking with everyone. It's a principle that is so important in missionary work because we don't know at first glance who is being prepared to receive the gospel. Anyways, I thought about just saying hi and moving on. But I just started talking to her and introduced ourselves. We gave her the 10 minute version of the Restoration while we walked with her back to her house. We have a return appointment with her on Thursday. She was acting pretty excited as we were telling her about prophets and the Book of Mormon. It was actually pretty funny, we asked her if we could call her on Wednesday to confirm the appointment. Then she started telling us how she has Sprint and the calls always drop. Our response? "We have Sprint too! We totally understand, our calls drop like nobodies business". We may or may not have spent five minutes talking about how terrible Sprint service is....glad someone understands. We had dinner with the Lykins last night, the fifth Sunday in about six weeks haha. No hot dogs this time! Noah and Grace were super wild, the parents blamed it on us. I have a song that everyone should listen to. It's called "I Hope They Call Me On a Mission" on a cd called Bopcorn Popping, I think that's what it is. It's a totally rapped version of the song. I want it when I get home, I probably shouldn't listen to it everyday as a missionary haha. Then we started talking about gangster sister missionaries....

Anyways, I have good days and bad days. I guess that's how it goes in missionary work. I've realized that if I am able to effective studies in the morning, usually my day goes better. My studies are dependent on how focused I am in the morning which is dependent on prayer. So....like the conclusion I made a few weeks ago, it really depends all on prayer. When we had the meet the president meeting President Cleveland gave us three scriptures: 2 Tim 1:7-8, Josh 1:9, and D&C 6"36. . President Hinckley said about these scriptures

"If every member saw these every day, more miracles will occur".

So those three scriptures are now posted next to my desk. I would invite everyone else to do the same. They really are amazing scriptures.

So I have four weeks left of training, yes I am still counting down the days. I just constantly have to remind myself why I came out. I'm going to be ready my scriptures a lot more, if that's even possible. I really feel the best when I am able to read the Book of Mormon. I also particularly like D&C 121. Joseph Smith had it WAY worse then I do. Revelation comes at a low point. Missions are about a lot of things, learning to receive revelation is one of them. Oh! I wanted to share a dream I had about a week and a half ago. I was home from my mission, I had been asked to speak in the singles ward. As I was waiting to give my talk I couldn't remember anything from my mission, well I could only remember the first three transfers. I sat there thinking "what have I done with 18 months of my life?" I woke up with kind of a terrible feeling. I realized I don't want that to happen, I don't want to go home and wonder where the time went.

Kyla Mayberry

July 22

Wednesday we went out and had lunch with the Lykins. Afterwards we taught them about missionary work. I wasn't really feeling it. Just distracted and whatever. We were wrapping up and all the sudden I just had this thought, "ask them to pray for you". So I did, without even thinking about it. Unfortunately, I couldn't hold back the tears. Bro Lykins looked at me and told me that they always do. Then he said "I think we knew each other in the pre-existence, do you ever get that feeling?". All I could do was knod. It was probably one of the sweetest moments I've had yet. Then we talked a little bit about eternal perspective. How as members of the church we have a completely different view of life. Others just live day to day, we live in preparation for the next life. So as we teach people the gospel, we aren't simply inviting them to come to a church a few hours on Sunday, we are inviting them to accept the gospel of Jesus Christ and thus change their entire life. Bam! That's a lot of pressure on us missionaries, luckily we aren't doing it alone. As we were leaving I promised him that one day I would give him a hug....that means I have to come back to Indiana after I get home :).

Thursday we went and tracted an apartment complex. Everyone but one was Hispanic. I got to whip out some of my Spanish! haha....it was terrible. Now I kind of wish I had paid more attention in high school. It would have come in handy more than once out here. That night we went and taught Benjamin. As we were getting out of the car our alarm started going off. We don't have one of those automatic things, so I had to go start the car to turn if off. Then it started doing it again, and again, and again. Probably at least 10 times. So randomly I would have to get up in the middle of the lesson and turn it off. Finally I was fed up, the lesson was everywhere because I had to keep leaving. We were sitting outside so I just opened the door and left the key in there. Then I called Elder Hodges (the car missionary) to figure out what I should do. He said I needed to take it to the dealership, well it was 7:00 and they were definitely closed...and we still had another lesson! So after finally getting through Benjamin's lesson we went to the Gasaway's. I walked in the door and told Shannon exactly what was going on and that he may need to show us how to unhook the battery. He just kind of laughed. Luckily, the car alarm hasn't gone off since. The lesson with Shannon and Courtney We've ran into some issues. Shannon wants logical evidence of the Book of Mormon, he's hung up on coffee and polygamy. We keep telling him he needs to read the Book of Mormon and pray about it. All the members we have brought to them want them to come to church so badly. When we taught them on Monday we brought the Elms, they are a younger couple in the ward. Sister Elms came up to me at church yesterday and said that they had been praying they would come all week. Actually it was pretty funny, I called them Saturday night to remind them to come to church. Shannon said that maybe they would come. He then asked us what we had been up to that day. We told him that we had been knocking doors for about two hours. He asked if we had knocked about three or four. I told him probably more between 40 and 50. He said "you guys are insane"! I just started laughing. I wonder if eventually, the lives of the members is what is going to help Shannon realize the gospel is true. I just see so much potential in this family, they're perfect! Courtney is progressing pretty well though. It's just going to take time.

The first district meeting of the transfer is always my favorite because we get to share testimonies. The assistants came to it was a big group, 12 of us. We are now very young, 4 out of the 5 companionship's are training. Kind of crazy.

This week we've spent a ton of time tracting, I basically hate it. haha I just feel so awkward on doorsteps. It's not that bad if I can actually talk to people. We had quite a few good conversation with people this week. It finally rained Saturday night. It's been 95+ all week (there mom, I finally mentioned something about the heat). I was very happy. Yesterday was pretty nice too. It's cloudy today. Ok enough about the weather.

Benjamin came to church yesterday! I think he got a little scared. He's pretty shy and I think he was overwhelmed by all the members coming up and introducing themselves. Any of the males who served Spanish speaking mission made sure they came up and introduced themselves, it was great. Also Sister Magellon can get baptized! We are going to go see her tomorrow and hopefully be able to set a date with her. We've (I mean a ton of other missionaries) have been waiting for this for about a year and a half now.

So sometime this week I was studying about revelation. As part of it I looked it up in the Bible dictionary and I learned a ton. As a missionary I need to teach my investigators how to receive revelation. If they don't know how to, they won't gain exaltation. Revelation is needed to make daily decisions that will keep all of us on the path towards the Celestial Kingdom. Without revelation, none of us can be saved. Prayer is a form of work (also in the Bible dictionary) because we are seeking revelation and it doesn't come easily. I'm grateful for the spiritual things I'm learning out here. Because honestly, most of the time I'm pretty miserable. However, every little once in a while I learn something really neat. Whether it's in personal study, trainings, or from someone else. When I get frustrated (which is about every hour), I just try to remember the lessons that I have learned. The ones that will continue to help me gain exaltation. Because let's be honest, I am learning a lot more out here then I would be if I were home scooping ice cream right now haha.

Sister Jones and I didn't take a single picture this week. So what do you get? A live picture of me e-mailing you...real exciting I know.

July 15th

Monday after e-mailing we went to Columbus to hang out with the elders. When we got there at first we just chilled and shot hoops. Two of the elders go to BYUI so we were swapping Rexburg stories. Then we went and played ultimate frisbee. Running around in 90+ plus humidity means you don't last long. We came inside and played scum.....I didn't think I was going to get to play that game for 18 months. It really was just what I needed; a few hours to take my mind off of other things.

Monday night I crashed. I've realized something this week. Prayer is everything. When we got in at 9 I started feeling pretty down again. I went to kneel and say my prayers and I couldn't. For probably the first time in my life I didn't want to pray. I went into the living room and just cried for 1/2 an hour. I wanted to go home. I didn't want to be here anymore. The thought of being here for another 14 months killed me. Eventually I was able to fall asleep.

Tuesday morning wasn't any better. I woke up a little before the alarm went off. I stared out the window, watching it gradually get lighter. I wanted to fall back asleep and never wake up. For the first time I really didn't want today to come.  I cried the entire time I was getting ready. The thought of going out and working that day was incredibly overwhelming. I texted President Cleveland and asked if I could call him. He told me to call him after we got done with companionship studies. Somewhere I made it through the next three hours, not really sure. When I called President I had every intention of telling him to book me the next flight to Bellingham, that I simply couldn't do it anymore. Not only was I homesick, but I felt like I had completely lost faith, that I didn't have a testimony. How could I continue to teach people something that I didn't believe in? I called President and told him how I was feeling. I didn't get the chance to tell him I wanted to go home. He asked me how my prayers were going. I told him they definitely needed work. He told me that I needed to focus on my prayers and he gave me permission to call Sister Donaldson. He also told me that I needed to tell Sister Jones everything I was feeling. After we hung up we went and gave service. Luckily it was pretty slow because I couldn't hold back the tears. My eyes would just randomly fill with tears. We came home and had lunch. Then we had to stop by a member house, Sister Jones, to pick something up. We started talking to her and then she asked me what was wrong. I just started crying and went in for a hung. She sat me down and talked to me. Luckily, at that point she was able to talk me out of going home. She explained that years down the road I would be able to tell my kids that I didn't give up even when things got hard. That I would be proud in 14 months when I got off the plan because I didn't give up. She said "Kyla Mayberry you are needed here in Seymour". Yeah members aren't supposed to call us our first name, but I needed it then. That talk was what I needed to get me through the lessons we were teaching next. I barely survived though, me head hurt and I still wanted to go home. But I survived. Because when I woke up Tuesday morning I honestly didn't think I was going to live through the day. I think I cried for 2+ hours that day. I talked to Sister Donaldson that night for a few minutes on the phone, but we didn't have too much time. She committed me to say more focused prayers and then to call her in a few days.

Wednesday morning was hard too. I was really tense during district meeting. Elder Zapata trained on the atonement and the doctrine of Christ, it was probably all for me. We got in the car and started to leave and Sister Jones asked if I was ok. I just started crying. She asked if I wanted a blessing. We quick called the zone leaders and asked them to meet us back at the church. I felt dumb, like I usually do when I have to ask for a blessing. The elders were more than willing. They didn't ask any questions, but what was said in that blessing was exactly what I needed to hear. The Spirit knows. This entire week I've been feeling like I don't have a testimony, but I realized something. I must have at least a little faith otherwise I wouldn't have asked for a blessing. It helped, things still weren't perfect. We went to have lunch at the Lykin's afterwards. Then we taught them about prayer, scripture study, and keeping the Sabbath day holy. Everything that came out of my mouth was for me. Of coarse I felt stupid for being the teaching, because I don't even understand prayer or how to receive answers. That night I read through Elder Bednar's talk from last October conference on the pavilion. That's my problem. There's definitely a pavilion. This is what I wrote in my journal that night. "I just feel so hypocritical inviting people to pray and such when I don't have a solid knowledge for myself. I feel like I didn't know anything before I came on my mission, that I didn't really have a testimony. I don't even know how to pray. I don't understand how I can invite other people to come closer to Christ when I don't even feel there myself."That basically describes how I felt last week, and still now.

Thursday was really hard too. Luckily I knew I could look forward to talking to Sister Donaldson at the end of the day. She's my hero. She felt exactly how I feel a year ago. She told me that obedience and diligence is a decision. It's a decision I need to make. I've realized sometimes I just need to talk to someone older than me. Someone whose spiritually stronger than I am. It's going to be hard in six weeks when I can't call Sister Donaldson with all of my problems haha. She loves me! Sister Jones is great, she really is. But she is 19. Something else I've thought a lot about this week. I've always been pretty independent (Sung knows that! haha). So it's been hard for me to have someone who completely relies on me. I like my space but I don't have much here. Sometimes I just want Sister Jones to just do something on her own, but then I remember that she's only been here for six weeks and this is the first time she's left home. I know I'm just being prideful. Like when we go running in the morning and I don't want to run side by side, just stupid stuff like that. Anyways, her relying on my for everything has been hard for me.

Friday I actually woke up excited, for the first time in about two weeks probably. Thursday night the Indy sisters had come so there was five of us in the apartment. Sister Cordner and I went walking that morning and just talked. She's my best friend. We have so much in common. Unfortunately she's getting transferred this week and I have no idea if she's still going to be my sister training leader. I think I'm going to die if she isn't (yes that sounds dramatic but it's the truth). I was with Sister Ware and Mumford for the day. We went and gave service that morning. These sisters have a ton of energy, they are both 19. Sister Ware actually left for Brazil today, she was a visa waiter. Anyways, during companionship study that morning Sister Ware said something completely out of the blue that I needed to hear. She told me to imagine Heavenly Father sitting in a field with His head in His hands, completely sad. He's sad because of the things you are going through. Then Heavenly Mother walks up behind Him and puts Her hands and His shoulders and tells Him that it is for your benefit. That the hard things you are going through will make you into the person that They want you to be. Heavenly Father is sad because He knows how hard it is; He wants me to be happy. I didn't know what to say when she finished. All I said was "how did you know how to say that?". Obviously I knew how. For dinner we went to the Buffet China. The spanish elders were down for the night, so all seven of us went to dinner. It was great. We had a lesson with the Gasaway's, I mean we had a missionary present lesson haha. We took a member with us, he taught about the priesthood. I couldn't get a word in haha. I tried so many times. So basically we bore testimony at the end and left them with a commitment. We made sure to stop by Saturday night to follow up with them.

So I'm reading over my journal as I write this e-mail. Both Saturday and Sunday started out really hard. I've always been a morning person, that's been my favorite time of the day. However, this week, between 6:30 and 8 have been the hardest times. Yesterday at church I was on the border of angry. I didn't want to be at church because I felt like I was putting on a face for everyone. That all these members probably thought I loved being a missionary, but in reality I didn't want to be there. Luckily Grace Lykins brought me a smile. Right before church she came and sat down next to me. So there's a ton of Lykin's in the ward ( I don't know if I've mentioned that before). So these Lykin's we've gone to their house for dinner the last four weeks because no one else signs up to feed us on Sunday's. Anyways, their two kids, Noah and Grace have gotten used to our commitments. So Grace comes up to me and tells me she forgot what we asked her to do the previous week. I just laughed. I reminded her about what we talked about. Then she said "oh yeah, I was supposed to repent every night" and smacks her palm to her head. I couldn't help but smile. I told her it was ok, that we would talk more about it that night when we came over, again. When we got there Sister Lykin had put three hot dogs on the table. She told us that for dinner we were going to split all of them haha. Then she just started laughing and got the real food. Unfortunately they are going to be out of town next week, I'm not sure what I'm going to do without eating hot dogs at their house.

I miss young women's. They got up and sang a song during sacrament and I just started to cry (for the 1,000,000,000 times this week). I miss those days. I always felt so good during YW's, especially at camp. Then I started to think about camp memories, Tyla, Hannah, Mackenzie McCleve (she's the best), the Newman's, smores, girl's talk, the list could go on. Anyways, sometimes I wish I was 16 again. Whatever.

Even this morning I didn't really want to be here. Sister Jones (the member) facebooked Kenz and asked her my favorite foods. So when we went over there for lunch today we had sweet potatoes and biscuits, she's the best! I thought it was sweet that she went out of her way to make me feel better. She even looked up stuff about the Raspberry Festival going on this week.

I've come to realize that I'm just really bipolar about being here. One moment I'm sad, that next I'm angry, and then when we start teaching or something I'm happy. This morning as we were grocery shopping and stuff, I was miserable. Now I'm feeling a little bit better. I think I'm just going to be very up and down the next several weeks. I'm not getting transferred. I honestly wanted to be done with training, but I guess I'm still supposed to be here.

This week I've realized prayer is so important. I really don't know how to pray. If you look up prayer in the Bible dictionary...well it's just really good. A friend told me last week that the only way to receive exaltation, to keep all of our agency, is to give it all to God. That's what I'm learning right now, and it hurts. Attaining exaltation is hard, because we have to completely give of ourselves to get it. I'm realizing that I'm just very prideful, that I want to do what I want to do. I'm not going to lie, most days all I want to do is jump in a pool and go to bed early. But I can't. One thing President told me last week was that this is just training. That 10 years down the road when I want to get out of marriage, I'll realize I can't. I can't just give up on things. If I give up, then I give up exaltation.  This week was probably the hardest yet. Things still aren't perfect. I still don't love being here moment of the day, I probably never will. I'm 1/4 of the way done, thank goodness. The weeks are starting to go by faster. But I'm learning lessons that can't be learned anywhere else.

July 8th

Meeting President and Sister Cleveland went pretty well on Friday. I kind of feel bad for them, President Cleveland is definitely overwhelmed haha. I think he told about three sport stories, yeah I'm going to be hearing a lot of those for the rest of my mission. Thankfully Sister Cleveland reminds me a lot of Sister Collins. When she got up and spoke she told us that she's sorry she cries a lot, little does she know that we are completely used to it. He told his story of when he was coaching. The team wasn't doing well, they had lost most of their games. So they were at practice and he made them run lines. He said for the first couple of minutes the players were touching all the lines and making the time, but after a little while some of the players stopped touching. He blew the whistle and made them start over again. Once again, after a little while some of the players stopped touching the lines. He blew the whistle again. Instead of yelling at them (again) he turned it into a teaching moment. He taught them about integrity. How could they reach their full potential as a team if everyone wasn't having integrity? Each player needed to be fully committed to touching all the lines. So they did the drill again, and never again did any player ever not touch all the lines. So then he applied it to missionary work. We need to touch all the lines, we need to help our investigators touch all the lines, etc.

Then we had a testimony meeting. If only we could invite our investigators to an hour testimony meeting with missionaries....they would all get converted. Enough said, in some ways it was the best hour of my life.

I'm grateful for missionary leaders, seriously they are the best.

Sometime on Thursday or Friday I had this thought to ask Sister Magellon if she had come to know the Book of Mormon is true. We went and read Jacob 2 with her Saturday morning. As we were wrapping up I asked her. She said yes. That one day she was just thinking about it and she had a desire to read it more and more. Finally! She's been an investigator for a year or two.

Spencer's baptism was great. The member of the bishopric who was supposed to be there forgot, so it started half an hour late. I was nervous the entire time because the members were getting impatient. I didn't know what else to do. What matters is that he got baptized and is now confirmed.

Oh the 4th of July was pretty fun. A member invited us out to her house. There were several families there. Sister Roney has three copies of an original Book of Mormon, so I got to look through one (the pictures). We talked to Brother Roney about serving his mission in Argentina and he explained how weird it is to come home. Then we listened to fireworks and we fell asleep.

Not much else happened this week. We went and gave service for a member. I got to paint a fence. For some reason I've always pictured missionaries painting fencing, so that was pretty fun.