Emotionally this has probably
been one of the hardest weeks yet. I could say I don't know why, but I
really do. It's me, it's my attitude.
So
Monday
night, after planning I had gone to use the restroom. I come out and
Sister Jones is holding the phone and says it's President Collins. My
heart immediately started racing because I had no idea why he would be
calling us. Turns out Sister Jones had written home about a male
potential we had met on a motorcycle and her mom freaked out and called
President. So he was calling to tell Sister Jones, but also he told us
how much he appreciated serving with us. I didn't say much because I was
so close to tears. Maybe that's one reason why this week has been so
hard. I don't know who my mission president is! Luckily we'll get to
meet him
on Friday.
Where we give service we have been asked not to proselyte, but
that if people ask who we are we can tell them about the church.
Usually I try and bring up the fact I'm not from Indiana so then people
will ask what I'm doing here, sometimes it works. Anyways, I was telling
this lady that I was from Washington. Then after she left this other
lady asked where I was from. I told her Bellingham, she said "really? I
used to live there." So we talked for a little while. She actually lived
in Maple Falls like 25 years ago. It was fun to talk to someone about
Mt Baker and stuff.
Tuesday
we had the sweetest thunderstorm! I woke up around 12 to lightning and
tons of thunder, and of coarse rain. Then I woke up again around
2:30.
Literally I have never seen so much rain in my life and the lightning
was just one after another. It was so bright that the street lights
would turn off! The thunder didn't just rumble, but crackled. Anyways,
I'm pretty sure I've heard thunder everyday this week! So
Wednesday
night we were at a members house for a dinner appointment. We got a
text warning us of a flash flood. If kind of freaked because we were
driving to the church that night which is about 30 minutes away. It was
raining pretty hard. Then as we were getting ready to leave the church
we got another text about a tornado warning. So we camped out at the
North Vernon sisters apartment for about 20 minutes. Then I decided we
just needed to get home, just in case the weather got worse. A member of
our ward also texted us and asked where we were. Don't worry, we made
it home safe. The tornado was about 15 miles west of Seymour.
We got a new investigator this week. He's a young single
father,....who speaks Spanish. I mean he understands English, but I feel
very inadequate teaching him. I want the Spanish elders to be able to
come down regularly so they can teach him instead. We taught him outside
because the weather was nice. As we were pulling away we say him
sitting under a tree, reading the Book of Mormon. It was so precious!
Definitely a scene I have sealed in my mind. Oh so he lives in a trailer
park. When we tracted into him the week before I told Sister Jones that
maybe I would live in a trailer park in the future....the Hoosier life
is rubbing off on me! hahaha
As far as key indicators go, we had a pretty good week. We
managed to pull eight member presents, a record for me since I left YSA.
However, like I said at the beginning, this week has been incredibly
difficult for me. My mind is elsewhere, not focused on the work. During
most of the teaching appointments I felt like I wasn't teaching with the
Spirit. I was worried about making sure everything went well instead of
teaching to their needs. My motivation to work has been about 0%. I
feel terrible. I know I'm letting Sister Jones down, I'm not fulfilling
my responsibility as a trainer. I realized something
on Thursday.
I don't feel like myself out here. This may sound kind of weird, but
it's like "Sister Mayberry" is one person and "Kyla" is another person. I
hate it. I thinks it's because everything about missionary work is
contrary to how I was before. I hate that I feel this way. I know it's
because my mind is on other things. I wouldn't say I'm homesick, but
there have been moments this week when all I wanted to got was go home.
Sometimes I just want to quit.
Friday was the worst. I also knew that
Saturday
was going to be hard. We ran to the park in the morning and went on the
swings. It's kind of sad how that's what I find joy in. Anyways, sorry
this is such a depressing letter. But it's how I'm feeling right now.
This morning during studies I was reading President Uchtdorf's talk from
last general conference. First I read the part about how when we pray
we need to tell Heavenly Father everything. He knows what I'm going
through, but telling him my frustrations and weakness will only help me.
Then I read this quote:
"He does not wish to break your Spirit. On the contrary, He
desires that you ride up and become the person you were designed to be."
Reading
that helped, but now that I'm typing all this out to you, I'm feeling
worse again. Basically I'm just sitting here in a public library...
crying. It's crazy how just last transfer I was the one pumped about
missionary work, all I wanted to do was change the world. Now, I'm
finding it difficult to work. But I will get over it. The good thing is
is usually these feelings only last a short while, just a couple of
hours each day. So even though I'm struggling how, I'll manage. I just
tell myself that eventually each day will come to an end. It's true what
they say, the days out here are long, but the weeks are starting to go
by faster. Luckily
on Saturday,
Spencer is getting baptized. He's nine, his mom and step dad are
members but she was less active when he turned eight. So we've been
teaching him the last several weeks. Anyways, I'll be fine, just pray
for me.
Sister Mayberry
P.S. Someone told me 2 weeks ago that I looked like I was 14.....I was not very happy haha
